Monday, 10 September 2012

Same Bat Channel by Susan L.

I'm having a bit of a hard time concentrating. My brain is whirling with a dozen different things. My anxiety is creeping up. I feel it in my face and the pins and needles pricking at my arms and legs. There's a heavinesdin my chest, a tightness rather. My teeth are clenched. All signs of an impending panic attack My doctor is weaning me off of the medication that has helped. We've only lowered the dose by a quarter over the last twelve weeks. I don't know...just wait and see. It takes time to adjust. Meanwhile, I decided to write in my back yard even though the passing cars seem unbearably loud; another warning sign: hyper-vigilance. Half the battle, if not more in working toward recovery is being self aware. I know these signs and I have a utility belt full of wellness tools. Kind of like the one Batman wore in the old TV show. Things like sitting in my back yard listening to the wind blowing through the pines. It sounds like the roar of the surf.. I watch the shadows dance...my breathing slows down. There's always my justincase emergency pills if I need, too. It's taken a while to find what works and to be okay with the fact that sometimes nothing does so it's better to go with it . Fighting an attack just makes it worse. I just did too much today. That's all it takes for the PTSD part of my challengs to act up. And there's another busy day tomorrow. Lord, be with me. Amen. I think I'll have a peanut butter sandwich. "And He said," My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."" Ex 33:14

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