A Different Approach by Susan L.

So glad I saw my awesome doctor yesterday. He is a gem in the psychiatric field. He listens and truly cares about my well being. The long and short of my recent chronic anxiety: I grew up with a low grade chronic form of depression. It has been a constant companion since I was a child.It is extremely difficult to catch or diagnose because unlike major depression the symptoms are almost non existant. It's hard to explain but here goes: it's like living in a large,echoing room where everything is too bright or too loud. Or perversely monochromatic at times. You head is in a perpetual state of Deja Vu. Feelings and emotions are subdued if,as in my case, not completely numbed. A coping skill. Everything is done day by day, moment by moment. The future doesn't exist. It has taken nearly six and a half years of therapy, two hospitalizations (mostly because of incompatible medications), months of playing finding the medications that do work. This has only happened since my depression was diagnosed in 2007. I have spent hours facing down my demons that were birthed in a long history of abuse and trauma. I even needed to learn about emotions and how to express them. I'm still learning. All of this had to happen to get me to this place where, as I said in my f.irst blog,"I dare to dream" Ironically, this is a possible cause of my anxiety. Life has become so different over the last twelve months and even more so since August. So many good things are going on. I feel connected and grounded. All I need is some time to settle in to this new me that has evolved. God is with me all the way. "They (words) are all plain to him who understands, and right to those who find knowledge. Prov 8:9