A Contemplation

  Background story: Jesus and his disciples had been invited to a wedding. So was Mary, His mother. They ran out of wine so Mary approached Jesus. He performed His miracle of turning water into wine.

  “Standing nearby were six stone jars, used for Jewish ceremonial washing. Each could hold close to thirty gallons.” John 2:6

  I am reading an abridged version of “The End of Religion” by Bruxy Cavey. He points out in the book that miracle is meant to be the word for sign. (I am going to have to do a lot of reading with this new understanding of what Jesus’ miracles, the signs pointing to His divinity, were all about! It is so much more than simply being able to perform wonders because He was the Son of God. They are really lessons about His message of love and faith in Him as well as a challenge to the status quo. But that’s thoughts for another day.)

  Bruxy also said in his book that Jesus could have used all the empty wine skins or flasks or casks to perform this miracle but He didn’t. He used sacred water jars that were set aside for Jewish religious practices.

  His first miracle, or sign of His divinity, was to challenge the religious rituals of His people; rituals that had replaced relationship. He used something held sacred for religious reasons to bless everyone with a whole lot of wine to celebrate the joyous union of two people. Apparently, it was pretty good wine, too!

  That alone is fascinating but my mind ended up leaping elsewhere.

  I’d mentioned a couple of days ago how Jesus made sure the Disciples had swords so they could be counted as rebels according to Roman law that forbade Jews from having weapons.

  He was arrested by the Pharisees but could not be killed by them because they had to follow God’s Law about killing. That’s how Pontius Pilate, the local appointed Roman governor, ended up involved.

  Back to the water jars. “The religious leaders would wash their hands ceremonially as a way of symbolizing their desire to remain free from sin.” (Thanks, Bruxy, for the historical context.)

  Just before Pontius condemned Jesus to death, he washed his hands with water in front of the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood; see you to it.” Mathew 27:24

  Hmmmm… Pontius Pilate used a Jewish religious practice…why? I can speculate that he did this as a mockery of Jewish beliefs. Or maybe he misunderstood the practice and believed the hand washing was a way to be absolved of sin as opposed to being emblematic of the desire. It could also be for many other reasons. Since I don’t know what was in Pontius’ heart, I have no way of knowing the full reasons for his choosing to wash his hands.

   The Pharisees killed Jesus by wielding a Roman weapon. I think the manipulation of Pontius to do their "dirty work" is the same as if they had drawn a sword themselves. Yet, “His accusers couldn’t enter the headquarters of the Roman governor because it would defile them and they wouldn’t be allowed to celebrate the Passover.” John 18:28

  (My brain feels like it’s going to explode!)

  Back to the jars...There were six! Each one held twenty to thirty gallons of water. That’s a lot of hand washing for a public display of a desire to be free of sin. Desire is only the first step. Desire without action, without change, without taking responsibility for choices and actions, is nothing. And gallon after gallon would disappear. But, in reality, and behind closed doors, the Pharisees did not live up to such public proclamations. Behind closed doors they plotted murder.

  Time after time, Jesus challenges the religious leaders. From stone tossing to healing on the Sabbath, He demonstrated that religion wasn't the answer. He was.

  Thanks to Jesus, I don’t have to wash my hands. (Smile.) I mean, I do. Hygiene is important. (Another smile.)

  I get the feeling I am just scratching the surface in uncovering the profound connections all these Bible stories have with each other. It’s been a couple days of incredible revelation that has enriched my understanding of some of the key components to my faith. Right alongside these revelations is a growing understanding of who Jesus is and what His life and death and life accomplished.

  It has also shaken up my ideas of religion. I blog religiously but I don't blog because of a requirement to do so. This idea was shaken out of me very early when there was a whole lot of guilt when I didn't write seven days a week. That, I feel, is where and why Jesus challenges religion. I blog because it has been a wonderful way to to ponder and explore life.

  I am also going to encourage my readers not to take my words as “gospel truth”. There is much I don't fully understand. I heartily encourage you to embark on a journey of seeking the truth of Jesus for yourselves. God bless your journey. AMEN!

It's Not What I Thought It Was

  “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” Mathew 3:2 NIV

  I have chosen to use the NIV translation instead of the New Living Translation that I usually work from because it aligns nearly word for word to a few other translations I checked out. The NLV is written as “Repent for your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of God is near.”

  But I learned something tonight. Something important that can’t wait until tomorrow because it’s an earlier work day so no post in the morning. I also wanted to think about what I learned tonight at home church while it is still fresh in my mind.

  In many of my road trips, I’ve seen this verse on billboards. It’s often one that ends up being on TV during a sports broadcast. It’s also the one the crazy guy in the movies has written on a piece of cardboard and is holding it up to passing cars. Most often he shows up in the movies where the world is ending. (I watch those frequently…it’s a thing. Maybe it’s because the world always ends up saved in some form or another.)

  This verse has always troubled me. I’d always felt shamed and convicted and inadequate because it drove home the understanding that I was a sinner. It burdened me every time I drove past the scroll emblazoned billboards, even before I came to Jesus and it has burdened me off and on since.

  I thought repent meant I was to get down on my hands and knees and beg God’s forgiveness for everything I had done wrong. I thought I could never repent enough to be worthy of such unconditional love, sinner that I am. I keep on sinning. I keep on doing things that keep me apart from God.

  Oh, Lord, what terrible ideas can come our way when we lack understanding!

  And I have to say, it pays to read more than one translation because I feel the NLV missed the boat on this one. I feel it should read, repent from your sins and turn to God.

  Tonight, I have learned what “repent” actually means.

  The Greek word, originally used before it was translated into English as “repent”, implies a change of mind and purpose.  (www.biblehub.com)

  A change of mind and purpose usually includes a change of direction in my experience.

  Instead of feeling helpless about making changes in my life, to repent in the true sense of the word has empowered me tremendously because it is all about having the freedom to choose. Instead of being ashamed of how I eat, what I weigh, and a bunch of other things that I constantly ask God to forgive me for, I can repent! I can go in a different direction.

  (Long Pause.)

  I honestly didn’t know I had that much power. (There’s a pretty big back story to the reasons for believing I didn’t.)

 

  This is big. No. It’s bigger than big but I know for sure the direction I am going in is the right one because it is pointing right to Jesus.

  And I will end with a smile, imagining myself in the peanut butter aisle, walking past my favorite instead of putting it in the cart. That, my friends, is true repentance!

A New Naure

  “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator, and become like him. In this new life it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.” Colossians 3:10-11

  He lives in all of us because He died for all of us as atonement for our sin, the things that keep us apart from God. At-one-ment was and is the purpose of His life and death and life.

  I have to thank The Meeting House for those last, most important words about Jesus: He lived. He died. He lived again. They are beautiful in their simplicity.

  I think I am also getting a better understanding of what it means to follow Him because of it. So I lived, in the world, ruled by the world, full of fear and shame and guilt and a mountain of things that had served to keep me apart from God. I died to that person the moment I confessed to follow Jesus. A couple of years later, I was baptized into Christ, a resurrection out of the water, a literal washing away of sin. In Christ, I have lived and died, was buried by water, and rose out of the water to live again.

  And what a life it is!

  This life I have with Jesus hasn’t always been smooth. It hasn’t always been happy. It doesn’t always have faith and God at the forefront of all I do and say. It hasn’t always emulated my Lord in my dealings with others. I am an imperfect being who is being perfected through love.

  Life with Jesus is about evolution. Not the survival of the fittest kind of evolution because there is no grace in that, only greed. Survival of the fittest leaves no room for community. It is self-serving not God serving.

  

  Did Jesus come because the “survival” of the un-fittest was one of the most important things to God? (Smile.)  

  Oh, my goodness! YES! Story after story in the New Testament proves this true, how the unworthy of society were loved and healed during and through the life of Jesus: the Samaritan woman at the well, Mary Magdalene who was a prostitute, the lepers, the lame, the blind.

  I have to give thanks for Jesus helping me survive the days on the Black River. I often struggle with trying to reconcile my mental health challenges with a life of faith because of this idea, “I am a follower of Jesus, this shouldn’t be happening to me!”

  As if I could control them. Which, at times, I can’t. So God led me to Vitamin D. (Big smile!) 

  And I am able to put on a new nature, free of depression for now. I say “for now” because I hesitate to hope this is the end of it. God knows I am a bit of a pessimist who tends to over-think and worry and doubt and fear because I am an imperfect being. But pessimism has taught me to lean into God, to place my trust in Him with the sure knowledge that none of my human expectations (or lack of them) will ever come between us. Hmmm….maybe that makes me an optimist!

  See? A new nature. I love it!

A Softened Heart

  “Let your roots grow down into him (Jesus), and let our lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

  My son and two and a half year old granddaughter came for a visit on Saturday. She doesn’t see me that often so I stayed back, allowing her to come to me when she was ready. Just before they left, we went outside since the rain had finally stopped. She merrily picked minuscule bits of leaf out of a puddle in my driveway and carefully passed them to me. I accepted each and every one with a big thank you! I was being included in her life, in the moment, coming along side of her as she did this most important task.

  Before they left, I asked her for a hug. She came freely to me. Not only giving me a hug but a kiss as well. She even let me pick her up and put her in the car seat for the journey home. She helped me do up the buckles and straps or should I say, I helped her. Something that almost requires an engineering degree! I can forgive my son for chuckling at my efforts to figure it out because I was laughing right along side him.

  I am grateful my children are teaching their children that they have the right to choose whether or not to be touched or hugged. It is a wonderful lesson about boundaries that will influence their relationships as they grow up. A forced hug only teaches the one being hugged that they have no right to control who touches them. Respecting this right to choose is also a very important lesson.

  My granddaughter also spent some time colouring amongst other things. She had the most fun with a box just big enough to curl up in.

  After they left, I gathered the papers to toss them into the recycling. I debated keeping them, a treasure of her visit, but opted instead to cutting out a small section to hang in the highest place of honour: on the fridge door.

  I learned something important about love as the magnet leapt towards the metal door, pinning the paper. I learned something about being God’s child. It touched the very core of my being.

  Even when we colour outside the lines, our efforts are treasured.

  That’s grace. That’s patience. That’s freedom to practice and grow and hone our abilities in this life of faith in Jesus.

  As for me, this has been one of those "forever changed" moments. I have learned to love just a little bit better.

Better Yet

  “So don’t’ let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules are only shadows of the reality yet to come. And Christ himself is that reality.” Colossians 2:16-17

  Which begs me to ask…How does the reality of Jesus impact, change, shape and influence my life?

  First of all, this reality touches everything no matter if I am on a mountaintop or on the Black River. Jesus is a constant presence who is with me and beside me in all things. Because of him, I hunger to be better than I am. I really, really want to understand the kind of love God wants all of us to experience!

  That is a prayer that has been central to my faith, wanting to understand love. But understanding is only the beginning. There have been lots of beginnings…

  Love isn’t something that Jesus does. Love is what He is.

  So where have “rules” impacted that understanding.

  I confess to struggling with judgment but it hasn’t only been about other people. It has been aimed directly at my own heart. Condemnation is judgment’s partner in crime.

  Oh.

  A slice of humble pie has been served. It is the sweetest pie ever!

  I want to do better. And I am. Slowly. I can be thankful for my job whose foundation is one of acceptance and grace, where there are loads of opportunities to practice letting go of prejudices (judgment in action). It’s a job where I am exposed to lives whose path is far and beyond my own middle class experience. And I am blessed and stretched and grown each time my “normal” is shaken up.

  My job is a blessing that pours an understanding of God’s love and grace into my life outside of work. The more I practice and the more I am challenged, the more loving I will become in my interactions with everyone: family, friends, the cashier at the grocery store, the slow driver...

  So I will end with a prayer.

  Lord, forgive me for judging Your beloved children, Your creations. Reveal to me where my ability to love is broken. Grow me beyond the spoken and unspoken rules that have shaped so much of my life and attitudes. Grow me beyond trying to live according to the rules of what a life of faith looks like. Set me free of the independent, fear based behaviours that like to rule the roost.

 

  Lord, I lift the smallest of prayers to You, the one that falls from my lips all the time, that is core to all I desire and all I believe You to be:

  I WANT TO DO BETTER!

 

  In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!

  There is much to think about this morning.

  And I also want to clarify what I mean by the "rules". I am not talking about obeying traffic laws. I am talking about the rules that have only served to create distance between God and His children.

I Wonder...

  “But now,” he (Jesus) said, “take your money and a traveler’s bag. And if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one!” Luke 22:36

  The Disciples already had two swords. This was enough for Jesus’ purpose of fulfilling the prophecy about being counted among rebels. It was illegal under Roman law for Jews to own swords. I find it thought provoking that being called a rebel was because of Roman law, not Jewish.

  During Jesus’ arrest, one of the Disciples used their sword to strike the high priest’s slave (or servant depending on the Bible translation) cutting off his right ear.

  Jesus said, “No more of this.” V.51 then healed him.

  I’d always believed it was a soldier, there to arrest Jesus, whose ear was cut off. It is how it was portrayed in the mini-series, The Bible. But then again, I haven’t really thought about this passage except to learn about the miracle of healing Jesus did.

  The slave, or servant, would not necessarily have been a willing participant in the arrest. They may have only been there in their role of servant. To do what? What did the Priests require of such people? Or was this servant a Jewish soldier under the command of the Pharisees?

  In our own time, royalty, the wealthy or those involved in big business rarely go anywhere without a servant or an assistant nearby. Only the pay grade has changed.

  Maybe all this servant was doing is carrying a lantern or torch so his master, coming to arrest Jesus, could see in the dark. There were no street lights.

  This slave, Malchus, is clearly identified as a personal slave belonging to the High Priest which leads me to believe he wasn’t a soldier. Would it be safe to infer he would have been an innocent bi-stander, under the control of his master?

  The High Priest could easily kill him for disobeying. He was only property after all.

  There’s a big lesson here. It’s about grace.

  How many of us get swallowed up by the force of the mob? It might be verbally, in a conversation around the kitchen table that passes judgments with a free and cruel hand. It might be physically by being swept up in a protest that turns violent.

  So I have realized the most important aspect of this part of the Passion story isn’t simply that Jesus is the Messiah who can do miracles. It’s that His miracles of healing are there for anyone who is trapped by circumstances, who may not have the wealth or strength or ability to escape those circumstances.

  But that’s another wonderful thing about Jesus. In Him, we can do all things.

  Sometimes it's hard not knowing how these peoples' stories unfold after what is recorded for us to read, to meditate on; after they met Jesus first hand. It's hard not knowing how lives were changed or even if they were. All I can do is use the gift of imagination. Thank You, Lord, for that gift.

 

An Early Rising: The Gift of Time

  “He said to them, ‘As soon as you enter Jerusalem, a man carrying a pitcher of water will meet you.’” Luke 22:10

 

  A few more thoughts about this passage came to mind as I puttered around the garden, enjoying one of the first really nice days we’ve had this spring.

  I wondered if this pitcher contained the water Jesus washed the Disciple’s feet with. It would make the small parade through Jerusalem all the more significant symbolically not only because it mirrored Jewish ritual, but it turns it on its head by infusing it with humility.

   Jesus tells Peter, who protested Jesus washing his feet, “Unless I wash you, you won’t belong to me.” John 13:8

  I believe there are many Jewish laws about hygiene, too. Somewhere along the line I heard how dirty feet would get with no sanitation systems in the towns and lots of animals sharing the road. They did wear sandals. Jesus washed far more than dust away. He washed away the dirtiest dirt of the world.

  While typing out the first quote this morning, I also realized this water carrying man is an image of Jesus Himself.

  As I cut away dead branches from the hedge between my neighbour’s yard and mine (isn’t that symbolic!), I spent a great deal of time thinking and praying about my own “journey through Jerusalem.”

  I realized I had a fair bit of forgiving to do.

  My journey has taken me to a few different churches. The reasons I left them were varied. One was simply because I had moved away. Even though it wasn’t all that far, financial difficulties limited my ability to travel.

  Another was because I was hurt and left feeling abandoned during the darkest days on the Black River. I have a vague, ghost of a memory of the pastor coming to the local hospital the first time I was admitted for mental health reasons but that was it. No other contact. That’s where the forgiving needs to happen.  I can give thanks I met one of my dearest friends there who has been by my side all this time.

  Hmmm, this is an area I could use some growth in myself, reaching out to those who may not be able to reach in for any number of reasons.

  I did return a few times. Once was because I was invited to speak about mental health and the Krasman Centre. After the service, I stood in the lobby to offer people an opportunity to speak with me and to hand out flyers. I witnessed more than one person go out of their way to avoid coming anywhere near where I was standing. Lord, I must forgive them for their misunderstanding, their ignorance and prejudice because it did cause me a great deal of hurt. I suppose the hurt is also because of a great deal of pride. (Forgive me, Lord, for judging others!)

  But it was the church where I honoured Jesus’ commands by being baptized there despite having been baptized as a child: the practice of another faith. It is the place I found freedom in worship.

  For a long time, I was simply not well enough to go to church at all. I wanted to but didn’t know where. The church I had been baptized at was simply too big and busy for someone with anxiety. It was overwhelming to think of returning and trying to cope with it all each and every week. I did try on a couple of occasions but it was exhausting.

  So now I am here, attending a smaller church with a big heart and a focus on community, on peace, and of course, on Jesus! I feel I have finally come home. Thank You, Lord for inspiring an acquaintance to invite me to go there.

  I also thought about my transient…what…lack of commitment? Maybe it is part of who I am simply because my life has brought about many moves from across the country to across town. My little house is the longest I've lived anywhere.

  But this transient/transitioning/transforming path leading me to these various churches does not reflect my deeply rooted commitment to God. Pentecostal, Evangelical, Baptist, Presbyterian, Anglican, and Catholic all enriched my life tremendously. They continue to do so! Whether I attended for a season or a day, they helped me on this journey by teaching me the universal message of freedom and love Jesus offers every one of us, regardless of religion. Regardless of how poorly we humans are at living in and through this message.

  Lord, I have spoken of being hurt. Forgive me for hurting others because of my enthusiasm to share Your message or because of neglecting to do just that. Thank You for unlocking my heart so I can learn to love better. In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN!