Affirmation #81 by Susan L.

  I am drawing near with confidence. Hebrews 4:16
  "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." NKJ
  "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." JCB

  Just out of curiosity and because it is a practice that irked me, I investigated why the capital letters in the pronouns He or Him, referring to God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit, have been dropped in newer Bible translations. Thanks to Google, I discovered the original Hebrew and Greek texts didn't use capitals for these words or other pronouns identifying the Divine Beings. The recent translators wanted to provide a more accurate translation. They weren't dropped due to some modern idea of bringing the members of the Holy Trinity to "our level" like I'd thought.
  I wonder if these capitalized pronouns are a stumbling block for some of us. Do they make God less approachable? Do they create a barrier? Do they generate distance between our Lord and His children? Do the capitals instill a hierarchy of power? I am wondering because, for me, when these pronouns are written with a capital, it stirs a sense of awe and wonder in my heart. For me it's also an offering of honour and respect to the One who has authority in my life.

  Okay, I felt a nudge after writing that last sentence. There are many areas in my life where I haven't surrendered. :) Actually, there are a lot of areas!
  Why is that? It's not like I can keep secrets from the One who knows me more intimately than I know myself. Has something as small as a capital letter prevented me from coming boldly to the throne of grace?
  (There was a long pause in writing here.)

  So when did reverential awe become tainted with cringing fear? Why am I so afraid of letting go and letting in?
  The ugly thought just went through my head, "You'll never be good enough."
  It makes me so sad that this idea is still floating around. There's no grace in it. It's merciless. There's no room for being helped or the space to ask for help. I think I can figure out who keeps fertilizing this toxic idea. It isn't my Abba Father.
  This poisonous core belief has coloured my relationships with people as well. The need to disprove the lie, the need for approval to help disprove the lie has only reinforced this ungodly belief because nothing of this earth will ever be enough to dispel it. No human approval could ever be enough.
  Lord, You have brought me a long way from the battered and oppressed woman I once was. I am reeling a bit this morning because of what You have revealed. Thank You for dredging this out of the depths of the Black River because it explains a whole lot about why I do the things I do. It explains my defensiveness and guardedness when dealing with others and in my relationship with You. It explains why I have found it so difficult to seek Your face, Your presence in ALL things. Guide me along the paths of forgiveness and grace for others and myself . In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
 

I am Disciplined Hebrews 12:5-11 by Susan L.

  "My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives." Heb 12:5-6 NKJ
 "For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in His holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening--it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way." Heb 12:10 JCB

  Punishment. It's a hard word that's used instead of chastening in the newer, Jesus Centred Bible's translation of verse six. I find it's hard to wrap my head around.
  My experiences with earthly punishment created shame, guilt and a whole bunch of self-abasing behaviours in order to please the punisher. That's part of my journey, coming to understand the intrinsic worth I inherited as a daughter of God. It's been a long road because those I gave authority to or were in a place of authority abused that right.
  It would appear my road continues. Lord, do I have some questions!!
  What does "punishment" look like without those two terrible weapons?
  Was God "punishing" me all those years I didn't look to Him? Did He allow all the crap to happen as punishment because I'd turned away?
  What about what happened when I was a child?
  Lord, these wounds still run deep. The anger that has stirred in my heart is strong. I lift it all to You. Help me understand Your ways.

  Maybe I am confusing the hand of God with the devil's influence in my life. Maybe I'm twisting it into the idea of God punishing me. Maybe I am confusing consequences with chastening.

  I know one thing for sure. The Lord is pouring His unfathomable love into my life. I've never felt punished by Him for getting it wrong. I've never felt chastised for slipping up. Convicted? Yes. The quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit are all it takes for me to recognize that I've strayed or where perhaps I could have made better choices.
  This is definitely a Triple T subject.
  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Heb 12:1-2 JCB

I am a Disciple John 8:31-32 by Susan L.

  For anyone new to the blog, beginning in March, I began a journey to delve into a list of  affirmations. They were given to me as homework following an inner healing retreat. Originally, I was to read ten a day to my reflection in the mirror as part of the healing process. It's like dressing a wound until it heals. Reading the list out loud with a lack of understanding felt like there was something missing. Taking the time to look up ten verses was terribly overwhelming although it makes me smile to realize some mornings writing the blog probably takes a whole lot longer! I decided one a day would be manageable and to take an entire year to work through the list. So here we are, seventy-nine posts later with two hundred and twenty-one to go. I am so excited to see what comes!

  "Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed in Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." NKJ
  "Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to My teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." JCB

  I have to wonder if Jesus chose the original twelve disciples so everyone would find a way of connecting to them and to Him. Time and again Jesus redeemed them just as He is the Redeemer now, in this very moment.
  Judas betrayed Him. It always makes me sad that he didn't come to know the Lord's grace and forgiveness.
  Peter...out-of-the-boat-water-walking Peter...denied he knew Him three times.
  Mathew was a tax collector, the most corrupt and hated people of their time.
  Thomas doubted the resurrection until he placed his fingers into the wound left by the spear.
  There was one who resorted to violence in trying to stop his Lord's arrest.
  I am not too familiar with the other human traits of the remaining disciples but surely they had their flaws. Every single recorded flaw is an opportunity to learn about how high, how broad and how deep the love of God flows.
  Jesus called the twelve His apostles. An apostle is "one who is sent out." (Thanks, Google!) He spent three years with them, preparing them to take His Message to the world.
  A disciple is a follower, a student. Jesus' practice of teaching everyone regardless of where they came from or what their gender was rocked the world. Mary, Martha's sister, was blessed for getting out of the kitchen and sitting at Jesus' feet to learn more of His ways. Martha understood the truth of what He was doing and was later blessed when she went to Him after her brother had died. Jewish traditions about mourning couldn't hold her back from pursuing her Lord and asking Him for a miracle.

  Fairy gardens are all the rage right now. I love little things so I made one for the yard. In looking at it this morning, I realized I'd built ladders to allow the "fairies" to get from level to level. Silly me, fairies have wings!
  Being a disciple is like using a ladder of knowledge and understanding to reach for truth and to allow that truth to grow us into the best we can be. Bible studies, community, and relationships with fellow believers are all part of the process like the securely fastened steps on the ladder. The best part? The love of Jesus gives us wings so we can become far more than we ever thought possible.

I am Determined Philippians 4:13 by Susan L.

  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." NKJ
  "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." JCB

  I've been part of a miracle. Every time I think of this event, I am in awe of what the Lord can help us achieve. I might have written about this before but it's one of my life's most unforgettable events. It's so vivid, I can still feel the cool, misty rain falling that day: a Mother's Day Sunday.
  I am also going to offer a warning. The contents of this post might be too graphic for some people. Reader discretion is advised.

  My ex, who wasn't a large man, and a slight, young woman had enough strength to raise a rolled over, two-and-a-half ton tractor. It had pinned her father face down underneath the massive rear tire when it flipped. The rain had turned the grass into a treacherous, slippery surface.
  We had very little time to get him free. We couldn't wait for the emergency services who she called after calling us for help. We couldn't wait for my older son to arrive with our tractor. Time was of the essence. We needed a miracle
  We got one.
  My part was to slide him out from underneath once the tractor was lifted high enough. He was a tall, well built man yet he weighed nothing as I gently slid him free, mindful of his back and neck, careful to keep him in relatively the same position to prevent further damage. I remember being surprised at how light he felt; how strong I felt. He could have been a small child in my grasp.
  His face was purple-black from a lack of oxygen but he was conscious and his colour improved as he was able to finally get some air in his lungs.
  We covered him with a blanket and I kept talking to him until the ambulance and professional paramedics arrived to take over. It had taken at least twenty minutes but may have been longer because the local, rural fire department was only staffed by volunteers. (God bless them!) Either way, it would have been too late had we done nothing.
  His hoarsely whispered pleas to get the tractor off broke my heart. I assumed broken ribs stopped him from feeling much relief. All that could be done right then was wait, hold his hand and keep reassuring him he was free.
  It's an experience I'll never forget even though it was probably twenty years ago. Sometimes his blackened face haunts me in the wee hours despite going to see him in hospital the next day where he was much improved. I am haunted by watching him finally lose consciousness after the firefighters placed him on a backboard and gently rolled him over. Up until then, he'd been awake. Up until then, I had no idea how battered his body was.
  Our neighbour survived. His neck and back were fine although there were many other bones broken and internal organs crushed. They were organs he could live without. They were bones easily healed.
  He was a long time recovering. Yet the fact he lived is a miracle all its own because 99.5% percent of the time a tractor roll over is fatal.
  I don't know how this ties into today's affirmation. I suppose the entire sequence of events, the choices all of us made, were an exercise of determination to save a life. Yet without God intervening, it could have ended far differently.
  The best part of all is God intervened even though none of us followed His Son.
 

I am Desired Psalm 45:11 by Susan L.

  "So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him." NKJ
  "For your royal Husband delights in your beauty; honour Him, for He is your Lord." JCB

  I have to confess this topic is one of my stumbling blocks. When it comes to discussing beauty, it makes me cringe. Echoes of the past hammer down on any glimmer of belief that maybe I am beautiful after all. A lack of "beauty" has been thoroughly reinforced through rejection, abandonment, and betrayal. Some days it feels as though these things have built an insurmountable mountain that keeps getting in the way of truth.
  The sad thing is most of us women are in the same boat. Studies have shown that we average thirteen negative thoughts about ourselves every day. Even a quick glance at a vague reflection in a window is often met with an "ugh" thought.
  So, here's the question...What happened to the joy I should feel regarding this amazing body the Lord blessed me with? How old was I when I learned shame because it was imperfect?

  It would seem there's a lot of forgiving to be done. There's a long list of people and situations that keeps trying to remind me I am not beautiful. Once again I need to forgive those who rejected, abandoned and abused me. I need to forgive myself, too, for believing what I was taught either directly or through innuendo.

  What is seen as the epitome of human beauty is a transient thing, a constantly changing standard. Marilyn Monroe was a curvaceous size twelve. Twiggy, a 1960's model was, well, twig thin. Size 0 is now in stores. How can someone be a size 0?
  Maybe I need to look beyond what the bathroom scales say. Maybe I need to pray that the Lord will fill me with the knowledge of how He sees me. Maybe I need to ask Him to change the head knowledge these many affirmations have instilled into heart knowledge...
  There's no "maybe" about it.
  Lord, I lift the "maybe's" to you.
  Psalm 8 asks the question, "What is man (woman) that You are mindful of him (her)?"
  Who are we that You are mindful of us?

  Here's what gets me every time..
  Universal events were mapped out so every single one of us would have the opportunity to know God the Father. Macro events, the little things when viewed against the entirety of time, were set in place so every single one of us would have the opportunity to know God the Father.
  God is not a God of coincidence but intention.
  So why did He do all this?
  Our royal Husband delights in us. In Christ, we are wrapped in a mantle of beauty that shines like a beacon to the world. Honor Him, for He is our Lord who died for us.
  Lord, grant us eyes to see and ears to hear. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
 
 
 
 

I am Delivered Psalm 107:6 by Susan L.

  "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He delivered them out of their distresses." NKJ
  ""Lord, help!" they cried in their trouble, and He rescued them from their distress." JCB

  Deliverance: being utterly set free from the influences of evil, of sin's consequences, its fallout, its sneaky tendrils that try and worm their way back into our lives.
  Deliverance is a done deal.
  "He sent out His Word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death." Ps 107:20 JCB

  "It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's SUPERGIRL!" The crowd ooohs and ahhhs in wonder at the red and blue streak racing across the sky.
  We love our super heroes, don't we? We love the Good vs. Evil plot line where evil is vanquished every single time. The hero may suffer hurts. It may look like she's down for the count but in the end, she finds the means to rise to the challenge and win the battle. Except, evil has a way of escaping to a secret hideaway where plans to take over the world start all over again.
  I have a feeling Supergirl was created to fill a gender imbalance in the super hero collection. There aren't too many women in the genre. What's with that anyways?
  Even Superman pales by comparison to our ultimate Hero. Superman can only save one person at a time. Superman is after the villain, to bring him or her to justice and punishment. Jesus is after the "bad guy", too, but He wants to redeem them, save them, bring them into the sanctuary of His Father's arms. Jesus came because God wants to deliver everyone out of their distresses. (Note: in the King James version of the Bible, "distresses" is plural. God knows full well that we struggle with many things.)
  So here's the thing. We have all been endowed with the most amazing super powers ever. The Blood of Christ covers us and those we love as a shield against harm. God's Word is a mighty sword that shreds the lies we believe about others and ourselves. The Holy Spirit is with us, helping us to walk in paths of righteousness and truth. Repentance changes our minds and hearts. Forgiveness sends the joy stealing thoughts and feelings scurrying away. Being forgiven means knowing that we are utterly delivered of those joy stealing thoughts and feelings. Gratitude...ahhh gratitude...next to love, it is the greatest peacemaker of all.
  There's something even more wonderful about being a Jesus superhero: we can always turn to the One who is far greater than us. We don't need to find the inner strength to beat the bad guy. All the strength we need flows through us and around us with each and every prayer we make.
  "Help!" is not one of those four letter words!
  I'm going to close with the Lord's prayer I remember from childhood. We used to say it each morning in school so it's as fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. When things were at their darkest, this prayer would comfort me and drive the shadows away. These are words of deliverance and hope.
  The prayer is found in Matthew 6:9.

  Our Father, who art (is) in Heaven, hallowed (holy) be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses (our sins) as we forgive those who trespass (sin) against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine (Yours) is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. AMEN!
 

I am Delighted In. Isaiah 42:1 by Susan L.

  "Look at My servant, whom I strengthen. He is my chosen, who pleases Me. I have put My Spirit upon Him. He will bring justice to the nations." JCB (This Bible highlights the prophecies about Jesus in blue. This is written in blue. I added the capitals.)
  "Behold! My Servant whom I uphold. My Elect One in whom My soul delights! I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles." NKJ

  It always amazes me what leaps out of a particular passage on any given day. Even the same passage on a different day might have something else leap off the page. And what's jumped out for me could be something entirely different for someone else. It truly is the Living Word of God...

  Wow.

  Today's leap feels as though it has zero connection to the affirmation...I was astounded to think that God has a soul. I'd always thought it was something we earthly beings were given. But then, we are made in His image... Whew! Big thoughts for a mortal brain first thing in the morning!
  This has me wondering...what exactly is a soul? A quick search on Google gave almost 46.6 million responses. It looks like this is not the first time this question has been asked! :)

  Chabad.org has a beautiful way of explaining it. A soul is the spark that every living thing needs to give it life and purpose. Everything has a soul, a spark of Godliness that gives its life meaning. "A soul is not just the engine of life; it also embodies the why of a thing's existence."
  Sometimes it's hard to see the "why". God sees it though. He designed us perfectly to fulfill the "why" of our existence.
  I am going to have a bit of fun here.
  Grass has a purpose. So do elephants and sparrows. I wonder if I would be able to embrace a blade of grass as a role model?
  What does grass do? It grows. It provides nourishment with tender shoots and later, its seeds feed many a mouse or horse or cow in the dead of winter. It provides shelter for wee things. It looks beautiful. It protects the soil. It can do no harm except when it starts to grow up through the driveway but that's not intentional, it's utilizing an opportune crack in the surface. Grass doesn't worry. When times are hard, through flood, fire, and frigid temperatures, the roots persevere with a doggedness that can be frustrating for a gardener.
  Hmmm, maybe there's something to learn here. Maybe my human life, my human soul, could use a good dose of simplicity in a sometimes complicated life.
  Truthfully? I have so much more than the front lawn to inspire, encourage, teach, and grow me. My soul delights in the knowledge that Jesus is part of my life. My soul delights in knowing God the Father was so delighted in His creations that He laid plans for us to be brought together again long before Adam.
  "And He will send His angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they will gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other." Mat 24:3