Burden of Light

   "Then Jesus said, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."" Matthew 11:28-30

  It's been a while since this verse crossed my path. I always imagine the burden of light as a gleaming sun. The kind of sun that glows gold after a storm and rays like holy swords pierce the clouds, bathing the earth below in brilliance. The light of the sun is a beautiful thing, weightless, yet powerful enough to traverse galaxies.

  Light doesn't weigh a thing. It can't be captured and put on scales. You can't feel it pushing you down. The only sign the sun has touched you is a warming of the shoulders, and perhaps the need to squint when it gets too bright.

  Winter seems to have been especially long and gray this year. March will begin to reveal glimpses of spring in a burst of brilliant warmth. Enough to have you standing in the driveway after coming back from shopping, grocery bags in hand, eyes closed and face turned upwards. The sunlight infuses a hope that winter is nearly over.

  Then it snows. Again. But that's March. She's a tease.

  So this morning I stand here, grocery bags in hand, and I look to Jesus. I am trying to understand what it means to surrender. Even thought the actual word, "surrender" doesn't appear in Scripture, the essence of it is captured in the idea of submitting or giving yourself to God.

  Or maybe I am overthinking this.

  Is it really as simple as putting down the grocery bags once and for all? Or better yet, give them to Jesus to carry?

  I suppose I have equated the idea of surrender as being defeated. Of living under an oppressor because that's the way of the world. The way I am most familiar with. The kind of surrender that enabled me to survive. 

  Maybe, (smile), I might have to surrender understanding the nature of Divine surrender because it is truly unfathomable. 

  Years ago, I was at a conference and they paired us up to do the falling back exercise where you are supposed to trust the person behind to catch you. They were a stranger so naturally, I could not do it. 

  Maybe another synonym for surrender is trust.

  And maybe that's what I am being called into; a deeper, fathomless, unrestricted, unbroken trust in the One who saved me. A trust that spans every moment of every day, not just the art or writing sessions. A trust that means I know one hundred percent He will catch me when I fall or better yet, carry the heavy bags or do something as small as untangle a gold chain.

  He will catch me when I fall back into old habits. He will catch me when the anxiety is too much to bear. He will catch me when a trigger sends me retreating from everyone. He will catch me when my poor, injured brain short circuits.

  You know why I know this?

  He already has. He always has. 

  Surrender to His perfect love is not about surviving, not when the Light of the World turns His face upon you. 

  So here I stand, grocery bags in hand, eyes closed, basking in a Light words cannot describe.

  The bags can be unpacked another day. I'll need help for that. Or maybe I will just give them to God because, in the end, what's inside doesn't really matter. At all...

  Yah. There's no maybe about it. Here You are, dear Lord. You can have them.