Holding Back

  “They (orphaned children) had to obey their guardians until they reach whatever age their father set (for them to receive their inheritance).” Galatians 4:3

  The Kingdom of God is ours the moment we accept Jesus as Lord. It’s not something we need to be mature or pure enough for before the vault opens. It’s not something that the number of our years makes us more or less ready for. It’s not something that is waiting for us at the end of those same years. It’s our hearts and minds that enable us to become partakers of the Kingdom; a Kingdom that is beyond the boundaries of time.

  I’ve been doing some reflecting about my feelings around the Nativity scene that was always put out as part of Christmas decorating. I shared a couple days ago that, before Jesus was part of my life, it stirred the ghost of a hope that there was something better in this ole world. In reflecting I realized it also stirred up a deep sadness. You see, I believed myself unworthy and undeserving of such hope. Hope was a thing meant for other people.

   I can also recognize, during that season of my life, these small seeds of hope were terrifying because hope was a dangerous emotion. It only led to heartbreak and disappointment. I wonder if these ghosts still haunt me, making it difficult to imagine and embrace the limitless possibilities God may have waiting.

  Actually, there is no wondering.

  They do.

  Abba, forgive me for placing restrictions on my acceptance of all You have to offer. Forgive me for my fear.

  But these are sad thoughts although I have often shared I spent 40 years in the wilderness before coming home to Jesus. So maybe that’s part of it. God knew what would need to take place for me to come to the end of myself and accept all He had to offer. He knew, just has He knows for all of us, when the time is individually set for us to inherit His Kingdom.

  And here is where the heart comes into play. I want to be able to hope without fear. I want to be free of the ghosts of Christmas past because, even after all this time, they still show up, unwanted, the moment I turn the calendar over to December.

  These are sad thought, too! But maybe that’s okay for today. Sadness is part of grieving. Grieving is letting go. Letting go leaves room for letting in all the good things of God. The greatest of these is change, that is, if I am willing to change. And I am! AMEN!