Exploration by Susan L.

  Last night in art therapy I drew a bunch of monsters trying to put faces on the various anxieties that plague me. At first I thought it would be fun and decided to do them like baseball cards with images and stats regarding each "player". By the time I reached card number ten, it wasn't much fun anymore. By the time I reached number ten, I didn't need to do a pencil under-drawing because the image of the next one became clear as a bell before I'd even finished the one I was working on.
 They ranged from performance anxiety to the anxieties born in childhood like having actual monsters under the bed and being afraid of the dark. There was a ghost who whispered words of shame and self doubt. A judge added its opinions. There was one that corroded confidence...
  As Forest Gump says, "That's all I am going to say about that."
  I needed another team. "The Good Guys."
  The team Captain is Jesus. There are only five members on His team but they are tremendously powerful: Determination, Wisdom, Vulnerability, Hope and Grace.
  All of this came about because of last week's realization about how much of my time is spent resting and recharging in order to do what is generally considered "a normal day". "Normal" days exact a high price in energy for me. Most of what I do needs an equal time spent in refresh mode.
  Taking on anything new requires careful thought about the physical and emotional cost it will have. 
  It's hard to be okay with that.
  Lord, I need more grace in my life. I need help forgiving those who established the "rules" lives are to be lived by. I need help forgiving the what's and the who's who feed the anxiety crew. Most of all, I need help forgiving myself for being so darn hard on myself all the time.
  These things I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.
  "Seek the Lord, all you meek of the earth, who have upheld His justice. Seek righteousness, seek humility." Zeph 2:3