Whirlwind by Susan L.

  It's not just the season but it's in my head as well. Question upon question, a thirst for knowledge and wisdom. Those two are separate. We can know all sorts of things but it doesn't necessarily make us wise. 
  The word "mystery" has been rolling around the gray matter for a few days now. It's a word worth checking out in scriptures.
  So has "love". I started doing a word study on love when I first became a Christian at the suggestion of the woman who led me to the Lord. She told me I needed to read these verses over and over until I got what love truly meant. At the time I could only discover, based on my experiences, what love was not. I quit reading because it only made me very sad and stirred up a whole whack of crappy memories I was ill equipped to deal with.
  This was before I went swimming in the black river, the place of madness and despair, where those crappy experiences threatened to drown me.
  There is a good part of me that is afraid to love. Experience has proven love means loss, abandonment, being cast aside and forgotten. Human love is selfish, demanding and devouring. (Gee, that sounds a tad bitter. I'm not because I am free now to discover the truth of Love.)
  Forgive me, Lord, for believing these lies. (Even as I typed them out, I could hear they weren't true.) Forgive me for my expectations of others as to how they should love me especially since I thought I was unworthy of love. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy! Forgive me for having been selfish and demanding of Your creations. Thank You, that You will bring me into a place of understanding.
  It's time to move on and into a deeper awareness of Divine Love.
  "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love." Jn 15:9