The more I share vocally about the latest healing of attitude about the anxiety, the more real it becomes. It takes some time to cement an understanding, a God truth, into the brain and heart. Speaking life into it is important. It still feels a bit weird to be anxious and comforted at the same time. It feels weird that the anxiousness has lost its sting because it has been such a constant, toxic companion for such a long time.
It feels weird to be relaxed. Good, but weird.
It has me thinking about scars, the reminders of past wounds. Then I remember that Jesus will bear His scars for all eternity. His scars are the epitome of love and sacrifice. His scars are reminders of all that the devil did to crush mankind's hope. In case you haven't read the book, Jesus won.
So, scars are marks of victory over adversity.
And I am laughing as I realize that sometimes scars are marks of stupidity as well. At least when it comes to humans! But even our stupidity has a way of teaching us to be smarter. I only ever fell onto the woodstove once. Thankfully my hand saved me rather than my face but it did leave a nasty burn across the palm. Hands heal quickly and there's no trace of that moment of carelessness left but I am always careful to be fully balanced whenever working around a fire. Lesson learned.
There's a platitude out there, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." I think it's a cruel saying because my own experience has been that what doesn't kill me makes me need God more. If that means the anxiety will be a permanent reminder to lean into Him, I am grateful for it because in Him is the strength to persevere.
"And He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, 'Father if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.' Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him." Lk 22:41-43
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