Thursday, 6 April 2017

Lucky 13 by Susan L.

  Perhaps assigning luck giving capabilities to a number, a coin, a poor little bunny paw, or a pair of socks flies in the face of today's affirmation, "I am anxious for nothing."
  There's a cobweb wrapped thought whispering to me about the practice of "knocking on wood" for luck. It began because knocking was supposed to scare away the devil so he wouldn't interfere. If memory serves me right, it's supposed to be wood because of the connection to the cross of Jesus. I've done it myself although the only wood around in some modern d├ęcor is between my ears. So I rap my knuckles a couple of times on my forehead, just in case. Then chuckle at the silliness of it all.
  A brief prayer is all that is needed to send the devil scurrying back to his hole. (I'm curious where the pitching spilled salt over the left shoulder idea came from.)
  This affirmation is one I've wrestled with many times. It's one that has been quoted by well meaning people when my life is filled with constant and chronic anxiety. While I appreciate the gesture of caring, it feels more like a condemnation because having an anxiety disorder means I can't help being anxious. My body over-rides logic.
  It's like telling someone with a broken leg to walk. Lord, forgive me for being angry at those who don't understand.
  I've written many a post about this struggle and the merry-go-round of being anxious because I am anxious. It is hard to write about because anxiety builds by mentioning the memories of being anxious. Sheesh!
  There's good news. Lately has been much, much better than it had been since Christmas. There's been a great deal of healing around the early traumas which created the foundation for this disorder. Praise God! This is in spite of my reluctance to dive into the Black River again.
  Can you imagine how worried Peter was before he stepped out of the boat to walk on water? His doubt in the Divine ability to make this happen meant he sank beneath the surface. Was Thomas's doubt fraught with worry that he'd missed seeing his Lord? These guys were disciples who'd walked and talked with Jesus personally.
  And there's the answer about being anxious for nothing. Jesus bent down and extended His hand so Peter could be pulled out from under the water. He encouraged Thomas to place his fingers in His wounds so he would come to the full knowledge that He had risen from the grave.
  Okay. I realize now it takes so long to turn to the Lord because I think I have to fix my mental and emotional state before it's okay to begin a dialog about my feelings. (Doesn't the devil love to use God's word against us!) Who am I fooling? God knows everything about me!
  Forgive me, my Lord. Forgive my pride. Forgive me for not allowing Your grace to enrich my life. Give me a knock-on-wood rap to the head so I turn to You in all things. Help me be like Peter. Fill me with a willing heart to quickly leap out of the boat and into Your arms.
  Most of all, I'd like to change my mind about the whole anxiety thing. Instead of being an enemy to suppress or disregard, I choose to embrace it as a gift that draws me closer to Jesus.
  "Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Jn 20:29

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