Friday, 1 April 2016

Clarifying by Susan L.

  Yesterday's post wasn't meant to be one of ingratitude but rather one of honest revelation. Anxiety can be such a huge stumbling block for me so realizing what I thought was anxiety was actually anger is a wonderful lesson and an opportunity for me to grow. Anger is an emotion that challenges me: how to recognize it, how to show it in a healthy way, determining if it is can all get a bit confusing at times.
  Most of my life I lived with a depressive disorder called Dysthymia. It's basically like having a wool blanket over all emotions. Feelings were gray and monotone. It always baffled me how someone could weep with joy because I'd never felt anything that intensely. In my ignorance I confess to judging such outbursts as a sign of weakness. Forgive me for that, my Lord.
   A huge part of my journey has been learning about emotions. Faith and medications have enabled me to connect to my inner self, to explore and discover the wonderful tapestry of the human experience. I have grown to appreciate my emotions because every single one of them is a gift from God even if they are a bit complicated. I am merely human.
  So many prayers have been answered over the last little while. Too many to mention. When I wrote about tossing things in the trash a couple days ago, God heard my prayer in those few words. Yesterday's outburst was simply getting rid of something I didn't know I was hanging on to.
  It has brought me great peace and cause for celebration.
  Tears of joy flow.
  "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water." Jn 7:38


  1. I am the one that commented about thankfulness, and it certainly wasn't a judgment. It is good to recognize what makes you angry, know your triggers. I just wanted to point out that even in the "anger" and frustration and being "victimized" by circumstances beyond your control, that there is still things to be thankful for. I have found thankfulness my best "weapon" against my anger, judgement, and frustration. My list was a weak attempt to look at the "other side". In all things being thankful. You seem to be able to do that as witnessed in other posts. I was hopefully just nudging a bit.

    1. I've grown to understand that being grateful isn't the same as being healed. A cut on our skin that is covered often becomes infected. It takes fresh air and sunshine for it to heal.
      Inner wounds are the same. Being honest with God and ourselves is not ingratitude but a lancing of toxic waste that has the ability to poison our understandings.
      Just sharing with the Lord is an exercise in gratitude because He is in my life to receive these troubles and burdens from me. I only have to let them go.

  2. I'll just throw in that you are both correct, depending on the root cause of the situation. For some people, anger erupts out of selfishness, self-pity, or other sinful causes. (When I say "sinful", I am not meaning to condemn, only that we all have brokenness which manifests in destructive behaviour.) In cases when anger is driven by things like self-pity (which I have certainly been known to do!), then an exercise in gratitude may indeed be the best medicine.

    However, that is very different from deep inner wounding, so the cures are not the same. It would appear that for Susan, expressing the anger of this situation is a step toward understanding it and getting in touch with the reasons for the negative feelings. This is a valuable exercise for all of us, to enable us to bring our issues honestly before God for Him to heal us, whether they be sins or wounds.

    1. Thank you for clearing up the fact that we are both talking about the same coin!