Rethinking by Susan L.

  I am in a bit of a quandary. It's about church and the worship team and the enthusiastic interim pastor. Lord, I seek Your guidance in this.
  I haven't been going to the team rehearsals because my plan was to download the music to my iPod over the summer to learn the copious amounts of material needed. It didn't happen. My iPod has suffered the consequences of indifferent treatment and no longer accepts new songs. So my plan to learn the music over the summer has gone kaput.
  Which leaves me rather unprepared for the September start-up I'd hoped for.
  There is another piece filling me with reluctance to start going again. The thought of being obligated to perform if the ole body takes me into fight flight mode from listening to a forceful pastor...See? Quandry!
  My prayers are that the pastor's manner of speaking will mellow. To extend some grace, it was only the second time he'd spoken. Perhaps enthusiasm fed the flames of his passion. My prayers are that if it doesn't mellow then the Lord will bless this opportunity and heal me of this invasive and unwanted trigger set off by forceful male voices. The pastor isn't the only man to have ignited this hard wired response when my body takes over and screams, "RUN!!"
  I was talking to my Mom about this last night and realized I am dreading Sunday. That made me rather sad. Laughingly I told her that perhaps it's like cooked spinach: good for you but ewww! There were days I dreaded seeing my therapist as well but persevered because deep in my soul I knew it was something that absolutely had to be done. It meant having to trust that in the long run everything was going to be okay.
  And it is, for the most part. More than okay!
  Lord, I leave it in Your most capable hands.
  Oh, and help me not be angry at myself over something I have no control over. Yet. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen to that!
  "Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Lk 12:32