There is a painting started, at least the blue sky is laid down, but inspiration has walked away as to how the rest of it is going to look. Goals and I don't seem to mesh. Like thinking I'd go out on Sundays to paint. That didn't even get off the ground after the initial outing. Oh, well.
Last Sunday was a bit of a rough day: nightmares all night about being chased by an evil and malevolent figure that scared the pants off me. My leg was broken and wounded as well. There was someone helping me but I remember thinking, as they helped me up off the ground to run some more, I simply can't do this anymore. The agony was very real. It left me feeling rather unsettled and sad for most of the day because I know who I was running from.
That's why the painting got started but it didn't take long to find out it wasn't going anywhere. I turned to the piano where a pattern of four notes had captured my fancy several days before. The sadness and anxiety flowed out as a melody around those notes evolved. It will likely never make it to the top ten and may never be played for anyone else but that's okay. It isn't meant to be a musical masterpiece. As I wrote it down, it wasn't be hard to imagine my old music teacher scowling at the written part, a shorthand only I could understand and a far cry from Grade 2 Theory. Most of which has been forgotten. The important part of the song was in being vulnerable and allowing my heart to emerge.
There's something about the creative process that bypasses logic. Creativity can span everything from making a cake, or flower arranging, to mucking about in the garden or even finding crayons and a colouring book. It's about being in the "now" where past or present don't matter. It's a way to remain still before God yet share so much of what is going on. As much as it turns the brain on, it also shuts out the nagging chatter of doubts and worry and fear.
I acknowledge that the Lord has blessed me in so many ways and my gratitude flows from the very marrow of my bones. But I also know every single one of us has the ability to be a creator. God, the Creator made us in His image didn't He?
The world works really hard to snuff creativity out because it's dangerous to the one who would see us be less than what the Lord desires. It's true. My abilities were smothered for a long time in half truths and lies. It's not about comparing our gifts to those of others because each of us is blessed in a way that is uniquely our own.
Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice that will enable us to lay the lies we have heard and believed at the foot of the cross for all eternity. Help us find our gifts. Amen!
"For behold, I create a new heavens and a new earth; And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create; For behold, I create Jerusalem as a rejoicing, and her people a joy." Is 65:17-18
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
It was odd that you spoke about a nightmare. I very rarely get nightmares. My dreams are more of the exhausting problem solving, working type. You know the ones you wake up tired? I had a lulu last night. All about spiders (I hate spiders). They were brown and hairy, even the legs were spiked hair. They started out as a few of various sizes, but soon I began to see more and more. Then I realized that the whole cabin's ceiling (which for some reason had those ugly ceiling tiles) were full of them and sagging under the weight. More and more were coming in the space I was. I was trying to spray them with this little bottle of hair spray or something - useless. I remember thinking that the only way to deal with this was to torch the place, but it wasn't my place. It was horrifying. I woke up heaving and with tears in my eyes. Good grief. Where do these things come from? I don't watch scary movies or read scary books. I usually listen to a speaker from the Word before bed. Boy, our minds are really a minefield, aren't they. I am so thankful that dreams like this come rarely. I would be a wreck!
ReplyDeleteI imagine you are so thankful to have many avenues in which to express yourself. If one "stops" you can go to another. What a blessing.
My goodness! I imagine you were left feeling rather jumpy for the rest of the day! It's amazing how much the mind takes in. The hairy legs are quite common in some of the bigger species of spiders. My son is crazy about them to the point he even has pet tarantulas. He has shared some of his wealth of knowledge with me and has helped turn my own fears into a reluctant appreciation of the critters.
DeletePart of discovering my gifts was rooted in other gifts we all have but are often snuffed out once we stop being children. The gifts of curiosity and a willingness to learn need to be recaptured. There's also the gift of setting aside what doesn't work without beating ourselves up. That's a hard one in a judgement based/performance based world. Oh, I'll add patience to that list. Perfection is the sole domain of God.