I am hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3
"For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." NKJV
"Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Col 3:2-3 JCB
This doesn't feel affirming. It feels more like a conviction.
Lord, how am I supposed to meditate on heaven when this earthly mind and body betrays me? Especially when I don't know what sends me careening down the Black River rapids! How do I get off the boat? How do I lose the anger and frustration being swept away stirs in my heart?
And I am angry. Very. Very. Angry.
And tired.
And feeling terribly lonely.
I was living a miracle, a taste of peace for several months with zero anxiety. It was wonderful.
How come it ended?
What would Jesus say about all this, seeing as my life is hidden with Him?
I keep hearing the words, "Ask for help. That's what community is for."
So why can't I?
Why is it so hard for me to accept help even when it is offered without being asked for?
I don't want to be an inconvenience or to be a bother to any one.
Now there's a core belief that has deep roots.
It's no wonder I am feeling lonely if this is how I think. It slams the door on being blessed or giving others the chance to do the blessing. It slams the door on community and friendships.
Thank You, Lord, for helping me see the truth.
Help me learn to trust others, that their motivation is of love. Help me let go of my fierce independent streak or at least learn to tame it. In Jesus' name I pray.
Tuesday, 10 October 2017
Monday, 9 October 2017
I am Helped by Him, Isaiah 44:2 by Susan L.
"Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb, who will help you; 'Fear not, O Jacob My servant; And you, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.'" NKJV
"The Lord who made you and helps you says: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, O dear Israel, my chosen one." JCB
So it hasn't been a good weekend. I had to battle down a panic attack yesterday morning at church. I walked into the performance hall where we hold the service. Worship music was playing loudly through the speakers. There were busy people busy setting up the equipment.
Unwanted and unbidden, up came the overwhelming, screaming heebie-jeebies.
I couldn't breathe.
I could feel my brain slipping sideways. It's like reality becomes a post card, a flat image utterly disconnected from the actual textures of life. Everything starts to grow distant and surreal.
I went ahead and set up my flute then tooted a few warm up notes but had to get out of the room. It was like a dream. I walked into the common area, taking some deep breaths which never works for me when it comes to battling the inner forces but I took them anyways.
Someone asked me if I was okay.
Tears pricked at my eyes. "No. I'm not."
Leaving wasn't an option. We were doing a performance piece in honour of Thanksgiving and I wanted to play, to be a small part in creating something beautiful. There joy in making music!
I took one of my just-in-case-of-emergency pills. It calmed me enough to get through the service although tears of exhaustion bubbled up as I packed up my flute as quickly as possible and fled when it was over.
Lord, You are my help. Thank You for sending someone to pray for me in the midst of all of this.
Protect me from the unrelenting sadness as I face the reality that the Black River still flows and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Help me let go of the anger, the resentment; of the feelings of powerlessness.
Because You know the truth of who I am in Christ.
"The Lord who made you and helps you says: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, O dear Israel, my chosen one." JCB
So it hasn't been a good weekend. I had to battle down a panic attack yesterday morning at church. I walked into the performance hall where we hold the service. Worship music was playing loudly through the speakers. There were busy people busy setting up the equipment.
Unwanted and unbidden, up came the overwhelming, screaming heebie-jeebies.
I couldn't breathe.
I could feel my brain slipping sideways. It's like reality becomes a post card, a flat image utterly disconnected from the actual textures of life. Everything starts to grow distant and surreal.
I went ahead and set up my flute then tooted a few warm up notes but had to get out of the room. It was like a dream. I walked into the common area, taking some deep breaths which never works for me when it comes to battling the inner forces but I took them anyways.
Someone asked me if I was okay.
Tears pricked at my eyes. "No. I'm not."
Leaving wasn't an option. We were doing a performance piece in honour of Thanksgiving and I wanted to play, to be a small part in creating something beautiful. There joy in making music!
I took one of my just-in-case-of-emergency pills. It calmed me enough to get through the service although tears of exhaustion bubbled up as I packed up my flute as quickly as possible and fled when it was over.
Lord, You are my help. Thank You for sending someone to pray for me in the midst of all of this.
Protect me from the unrelenting sadness as I face the reality that the Black River still flows and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Help me let go of the anger, the resentment; of the feelings of powerlessness.
Because You know the truth of who I am in Christ.
Saturday, 7 October 2017
I am an Heir of God, Titus 3:7 by Susan L.
"Having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life." NKJV
"Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life." JCB
The scriptures before today's affirmation bear quoting.
"Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But--
When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Saviour." Titus 3:3-6 JCB
Because of his grace he made us right in his sight...
There is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can pay. There is nothing I can say that could earn such a gift.
It's mine because I am His child.
So are you.
"Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life." JCB
The scriptures before today's affirmation bear quoting.
"Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But--
When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Saviour." Titus 3:3-6 JCB
Because of his grace he made us right in his sight...
There is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can pay. There is nothing I can say that could earn such a gift.
It's mine because I am His child.
So are you.
Thursday, 5 October 2017
I am Healthy, Deuteronomy 7:15 by Susan L.
"And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will afflict you with none of the terrible diseases of Egypt which you have known, but will lay them on all those who hate you." NKJV
"And the Lord will protect you from all sickness. He will not let you suffer from the terrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all your enemies!" JCB
I find Old Testament verses at odds with those of the New; at odds with Jesus' message of love.
Bear with me as I think this through.
So God's chosen people knew diseases in Egypt but I think this is more than physical ailments. I think it also includes spiritual sicknesses such as despair and hopelessness. Several centuries of slavery would make anyone despair of ever being free.
So God sent Moses.
Then the Israelite's path to freedom was paved by plagues visited upon the Egyptians.
Signs and miracles. Violence and death. Vengeance and revenge upon their captors. The Israelites weren't touched or harmed in any way. The blood of a lamb spared them.
Maybe this isn't about the Israelites. Maybe this is about the rest of the world. They would witness God's hand caring for His chosen people. They would see them victorious in battle after battle despite overwhelming odds. They would see them blessed with the finest lands, the healthiest flocks. The world would wonder, would want to be a member of God's chosen people.
In the movie, "The Prince of Egypt", as the Israelites leave Egypt, they portray Egyptian guards dropping their spears and joining in the Exodus. Perhaps it's artistic licence or maybe it really happened. I'd like to think it did.
It wasn't all happily ever after for them. Forty years they wandered, being tested, being humbled, being refined and purified because through these people, God's Son would come.
He came so our sickness, our sins, can be forgiven and we can be made well and whole. He came so we can have a personal, intimate relationship with our Father without having to do a thing except believe in His Son who died. The final Lamb sacrifice required to solidify the New Covenant of God for all peoples.
"And the Lord will protect you from all sickness. He will not let you suffer from the terrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all your enemies!" JCB
I find Old Testament verses at odds with those of the New; at odds with Jesus' message of love.
Bear with me as I think this through.
So God's chosen people knew diseases in Egypt but I think this is more than physical ailments. I think it also includes spiritual sicknesses such as despair and hopelessness. Several centuries of slavery would make anyone despair of ever being free.
So God sent Moses.
Then the Israelite's path to freedom was paved by plagues visited upon the Egyptians.
Signs and miracles. Violence and death. Vengeance and revenge upon their captors. The Israelites weren't touched or harmed in any way. The blood of a lamb spared them.
Maybe this isn't about the Israelites. Maybe this is about the rest of the world. They would witness God's hand caring for His chosen people. They would see them victorious in battle after battle despite overwhelming odds. They would see them blessed with the finest lands, the healthiest flocks. The world would wonder, would want to be a member of God's chosen people.
In the movie, "The Prince of Egypt", as the Israelites leave Egypt, they portray Egyptian guards dropping their spears and joining in the Exodus. Perhaps it's artistic licence or maybe it really happened. I'd like to think it did.
It wasn't all happily ever after for them. Forty years they wandered, being tested, being humbled, being refined and purified because through these people, God's Son would come.
He came so our sickness, our sins, can be forgiven and we can be made well and whole. He came so we can have a personal, intimate relationship with our Father without having to do a thing except believe in His Son who died. The final Lamb sacrifice required to solidify the New Covenant of God for all peoples.
Wednesday, 4 October 2017
I am Healed, 1 Peter 2:24 by Susan L.
"Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness--by whose stripes you were healed." NKJV
"He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed." JCB
It was a successful day yesterday. A dump run followed by donating various items to Habitat for Humanity's Re-Store and The Clothesline, a local charity second hand store. It felt good to get the garbage bags filled with worn clothing and items not fit for re-sale out of the kitchen. It felt good to get the boxes filled with extra tools and household items out of the kitchen, too. It's more or less the last of my uncle's belongings put in a place where they can bless someone who needs them.
I then stopped at a framing place to have the watercolour painting hanging above the bed re-framed because the matts had discoloured over the years. It's one of the few things I've kept from my uncle's house because I've always liked the painting.
Some of the donations were things of my own. Years ago I'd made a mirror from an old window that still had all the original brass hardware. It's been hung in various places throughout the house but part of the purging that's been going on has been to get rid of reminders of the past. It was a reminder just like the gouges on my bedroom furniture had been a reminder.
The furniture, now painted, looks brand new.
It had been damaged by carelessness and utter disregard. The ravages of time had added additional scratches and nicks. It took wood filler and careful sanding to heal it. Pine is a soft wood that marks easily.
This is a redemption story isn't it? A Jesus story.
It has me thinking of when He came back. He bore the marks of the nails in His hands and the spear wound in His side proving to the disciples it was He. There's no mention in scriptures of any evidence of the scourging He received or the wounds from the crown of thorns. The marks of sin on innocent flesh were wiped away.
The ole gray matter is spinning.
I am hovering around some sort of conclusion but don't know where to begin.
What I can do is give thanks for the healing that has taken place in my life. I can give double thanks for my Saviour who made it possible.
"He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed." JCB
It was a successful day yesterday. A dump run followed by donating various items to Habitat for Humanity's Re-Store and The Clothesline, a local charity second hand store. It felt good to get the garbage bags filled with worn clothing and items not fit for re-sale out of the kitchen. It felt good to get the boxes filled with extra tools and household items out of the kitchen, too. It's more or less the last of my uncle's belongings put in a place where they can bless someone who needs them.
I then stopped at a framing place to have the watercolour painting hanging above the bed re-framed because the matts had discoloured over the years. It's one of the few things I've kept from my uncle's house because I've always liked the painting.
Some of the donations were things of my own. Years ago I'd made a mirror from an old window that still had all the original brass hardware. It's been hung in various places throughout the house but part of the purging that's been going on has been to get rid of reminders of the past. It was a reminder just like the gouges on my bedroom furniture had been a reminder.The furniture, now painted, looks brand new.
It had been damaged by carelessness and utter disregard. The ravages of time had added additional scratches and nicks. It took wood filler and careful sanding to heal it. Pine is a soft wood that marks easily.
This is a redemption story isn't it? A Jesus story.
It has me thinking of when He came back. He bore the marks of the nails in His hands and the spear wound in His side proving to the disciples it was He. There's no mention in scriptures of any evidence of the scourging He received or the wounds from the crown of thorns. The marks of sin on innocent flesh were wiped away.
The ole gray matter is spinning.
I am hovering around some sort of conclusion but don't know where to begin.
What I can do is give thanks for the healing that has taken place in my life. I can give double thanks for my Saviour who made it possible.
Tuesday, 3 October 2017
I am the Head, Deuteronomy 28:13 by Susan L.
"And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the Lord your God, Which I command you today, and are careful to observe them." NKJV
"If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom." JCB
Jesus commands, "Love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12
His Great Commandment encompasses all the laws given to God's chosen people.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Jesus turned the ten commandments given to the Israelites into the ten promises meant for all God's children. Love takes religious obedience out of the picture because allowing love to shape our behaviours and choices means we rise above the darkness in this ole world. No rules necessary. This isn't simply about doing no harm, it's about bringing life and light and hope in all that we do, to everyone we have contact with in our daily lives.
I'm not very good at it.
There was a long pause after that last sentence.
Perhaps that was a bit harsh. (Smile.) I'm not always good at it. Emotions, environment and experiences tend to interfere with my ability to love others as Jesus loves me. I don't think I'm alone here.
How do I change tail mentality into head mentality? How do I lose the idea that loving others means I have to be a doormat? How do I embrace a love that doesn't come with conditions? How do I think outside the box?
I can't. At least, on my own.
Lord, I lift this up to You. I am feeling rather sad about it all, that I could be better than I am. But then, I have to give thanks because I've come a long way already. Help me go further into love living than I ever thought possible. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
"If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom." JCB
Jesus commands, "Love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12
His Great Commandment encompasses all the laws given to God's chosen people.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Jesus turned the ten commandments given to the Israelites into the ten promises meant for all God's children. Love takes religious obedience out of the picture because allowing love to shape our behaviours and choices means we rise above the darkness in this ole world. No rules necessary. This isn't simply about doing no harm, it's about bringing life and light and hope in all that we do, to everyone we have contact with in our daily lives.
I'm not very good at it.
There was a long pause after that last sentence.
Perhaps that was a bit harsh. (Smile.) I'm not always good at it. Emotions, environment and experiences tend to interfere with my ability to love others as Jesus loves me. I don't think I'm alone here.
How do I change tail mentality into head mentality? How do I lose the idea that loving others means I have to be a doormat? How do I embrace a love that doesn't come with conditions? How do I think outside the box?
I can't. At least, on my own.
Lord, I lift this up to You. I am feeling rather sad about it all, that I could be better than I am. But then, I have to give thanks because I've come a long way already. Help me go further into love living than I ever thought possible. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
Monday, 2 October 2017
I am Guiltless, Romans 8:1 by Susan L.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." NKJV
"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." JCB
I heard a story a long while ago about a man who embarked on a forty day fast. Day thirty-seven rolled around. He dove into a family sized bag of potato chips and ate the entire thing all by himself.
What do you think he did?
When I first heard this, I assumed he had to start all over again because he had failed to attain his objective of fasting for forty days but I was wrong. He repented of falling to temptation then continued to fast for three more days.
Guilt leaves no room for grace.
Guilt is a sledgehammer with shame as its handle. It beats joy down to nothing. It hammers spikes of inadequacy deep into our souls. It pummels the gift of our worth as children of God to dust. It drives in fence posts of isolation. It builds a fence between the posts of fear guarded by razor wire regret. It's an ugly thing, an ungodly thing.
Grace leaves no room for guilt.
Grace is love expressed towards others and ourselves. Grace is patience, kindness and forgiveness. If guilt is a sledgehammer, grace is a feather from God's wings.
"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." JCB
I heard a story a long while ago about a man who embarked on a forty day fast. Day thirty-seven rolled around. He dove into a family sized bag of potato chips and ate the entire thing all by himself.
What do you think he did?
When I first heard this, I assumed he had to start all over again because he had failed to attain his objective of fasting for forty days but I was wrong. He repented of falling to temptation then continued to fast for three more days.
Guilt leaves no room for grace.
Guilt is a sledgehammer with shame as its handle. It beats joy down to nothing. It hammers spikes of inadequacy deep into our souls. It pummels the gift of our worth as children of God to dust. It drives in fence posts of isolation. It builds a fence between the posts of fear guarded by razor wire regret. It's an ugly thing, an ungodly thing.
Grace leaves no room for guilt.
Grace is love expressed towards others and ourselves. Grace is patience, kindness and forgiveness. If guilt is a sledgehammer, grace is a feather from God's wings.
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