Recovery

 "Lead me by your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You." Psalm 25:5

  Recovery is a powerful concept. In light of what's happened this week, it's a huge comfort to know I will recover. I always have. Sometimes it just takes longer. 

   The body needs time to heal from the fallout of a major panic event. The fact there was a double whammy means patience is needed. There are still residual pins and needles going on because I don't think the brain has gotten with the program and realized it's okay to relax its constant vigil. It will. It, too, always has.

  Time is not the enemy here. Time is my friend. The culture of deadlines and completion dates serves no purpose here. It's a hard one to shake all the same, having been ingrained from an early age. It ties into black and white thinking about success and failure. Meet a deadline, it's a success. Don't, and it's a massive red X on your record; a failure.

  So let's look at the successes instead, the things the Lord helped me accomplish since the last post.

  I went to work...that's a big one! I took care of my roles and responsibilities while there. The last traces of the chaos from the weekend were tidied up and put away.

  The day before was spent in my bedroom doing some reorganizing and furniture shuffling so I could put a wing chair in there. It was important to make room for my friend's mom's chair in the living room and it looks far better than my bigger one. 

  There are still a few things I need to tackle in the bedroom and since it's raining today, It is a great opportunity spend some more time in there because working outside is off the list.

  I've been looking at my gardens lately. There are a lot of them. Most of the plants are fully mature and have helped choke out the weeds but there's still weeding needing to be done. It's a bit overwhelming so I've been pondering getting rid of some of them and replacing them with grass. It's not a decision to make when overwhelm is sitting at my throat but that's what I feel like doing today.

  On a humorous note, my sour cherry tree was loaded with cherries this year. It's the first time it has produced any kind of crop. I've watched a chipmunk run back and forth with a lumpy cheek full of not quite ripe cherries. His home is beside the driveway. He offloads the mouthful in seconds before racing back to the tree! His dedication to preparing for the storms ahead makes me smile.

  Between the rodent and robins, chances are there won't be any to harvest. That's okay. One less task to take care of for now. It's a lovely tree, planted to add privacy more than for its harvest.

  Who knew the Lord would send a chipmunk to take something off the to-do list!

  So, the successes of the last couple of days may not be the kind that require fireworks and ticker tape parades but they are there nonetheless: cooking supper, a trip to the hardware and grocery stores, making a big pot of soup to have on hand and countless other little tasks have been accomplished. But doing things is not a measure of success is it? Being able to live life as it unfolds is.

  I have much to be grateful for. Understanding and compassionate co-workers and friends, chipmunks, the fact my car is fixed and back in the driveway, having the means to pay for the repairs...most of all? The personal and professional knowledge I have amassed about anxiety and panic attacks is a source of hope because this is not a forever state of being. Time is my friend after all.

  With the Lord's help, I will have the patience to ride out time's passing.

  AMEN!