"You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near." JCB
I can feel Jesus leaning over beside me watching me write. His arm rests on my shoulders as He whispers in my ear, "I Am patient."
These are words I needed to hear this morning because, to be honest, I've been shaken up a bit. Several times during my time away, I spoke about my marriage, my ex who recently got remarried. Shocked and dismayed, I could hear the bitterness in my voice. Even after all this time, it's still there.
"Lord, don't let me be bitter." One of the first prayers I said as a new Christian. Why? Because it's ugly. It's like biting tinfoil that leaves a harsh metallic taste in the mouth. It's like swallowing a poison over and over that works it's way into the mind and body. It kills off things like grace and forgiveness and joy. Contentment and peace and trust are swallowed up by the destructive toxin of bitterness.
Oh, Lord, I don't want to end up as a bitter, lonely, old woman.
Last night I wrote then deleted an email, a written prayer, exploring the roots of this bitterness. I had no idea there was so much resentment, jealousy, anger, and an incredibly deep desire for vengeance, for justice, in this ole heart of mine.
Can You forgive me, Lord?
Can I find in my heart the anti-venom, the gratitude that will wipe this away?
Thank You, Lord, that my ex has found someone to share his life with. (What words say, the heart will follow...eventually. And I smile.)Thank You for all the gifts my time with him provided. Firstly, my children and grandchildren. My home. The skills and fearlessness when it comes to tackling home improvements. The re-discovery of art. The re-discovery of music. Reconnecting with my emotions and passion for creating. Thank You for the job gained through life experiences.
It's a long list with many more things to be thankful for.
But most of all, Thank You, that because of my marriage being what it was, I found You. Thank You for Your infinite patience and for leading me into truth and into doing what is right. AMEN!
No comments:
Post a Comment