This post has been started a half dozen times. Not surprisingly considering the chaotic nature of my mind right now. It's jumping all over the place.
I've been thinking about worry or should I say, the Lord has been revealing the areas in my life that are filled with worry. Maybe, for understanding's purpose, the question is, "What am I afraid of?" The two go hand in hand. Forgive my pride, Lord, for thinking that I didn't worry.
Fire. The cord to my electric kettle was beginning to short out. When I forgot to unplug it and left the house...yup...worry. I finally bought a new kettle although why it took three days to arrive at this sensible answer is...the thought of going into a big, busy store.
Not being or even feeling safe. There's an overwhelming sense of a possible "something bad happening" everywhere and any when. Nothing specific comes to mind but in writing it down, I realize how much a part of my life this undercurrent of anxiousness is and has been for a long time.
I need to exercise some compassion right now. Not feeling safe has been a huge part of my life. Events and experiences have driven home the lesson that I wasn't safe time and again. A generalized sense of impending doom is a symptom of PTSD. Thank You, Lord, that this can be an opportunity to practice grace as well.
It's not something I've thought much about before or even realized the impact this has in so many ways. Simply locking my house door at night (a sensible thing to do) only drives home that there's something big and bad in the world that might get me.
Having the door locked means that someone can't get in if help is needed.
Worry: heart attack, falling, tripping over the cat, stabbing myself with a knitting needle, or worse, poking my eye out, breaking a leg, a hip, cutting off a finger in the workshop or kitchen, a fire on the stove, the neighbour's bonfire, enclosed spaces, having to clean out the cupboard under the sink, spiders crawling on me at night, bedbugs (I don't have them), hydro use, doing laundry during prime time rates, floods due to the power failing or the river nearby overflowing, being trapped, being paralyzed by anxiety and not being able to get out of the house...wow...The devil's darts seem to have found a prime target.
On the other hand, not locking it (which I did for years) is an open door to "something bad happening".
Oh, catastrophizing is also symptomatic of PTSD.
Sheesh! There's a few thousand hours of therapy. (Thank You, Lord, for the laugh at my own expense.)
This is about control isn't it? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change those things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name I pray.
And thank You for helping me see things through Your eyes.
"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine bursts the wineskins, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins." Mk 2:22
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The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
There is a Christian principle called Detachment that you might want to insert into your prayer requests to the Lord. It is the spiritual position of becoming detached from worldly desires, affections, and attachments. Ideally, the more we become detached, the less we will be concerned about our possessions, positions, finances, etc. So, for example, we worry less about losing our home (through fire, flood, financial disaster), and enter into a more trusting relationship with the Lord, that He will provide a roof over our head even if disaster should strike. We can be more free of health worry, entrusting every breath and the length of our lives to God. We believe that if we get injured, God will send someone to help us. We rest in the hope that if we get unexpected bills, God will provide the means to pay. We give our loved ones over to God for His care. But it's not only trusting and not worrying, it's putting such a lesser importance on these things, that they start to recede in our minds, to mattering less. I'm not saying that this disposition will erase your PTSD, but it is a spiritual practice you could look into to provide an alternative thought process to the worry machine.
ReplyDeleteJesus said, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you". (I don't have a bible handy to look up the reference).
I hadn't read your comments before being led to a strategy (see today's post) for overcoming the anxiety. Thank you for the affirmation that this is exactly what the strategy does: helps me seek the Kingdom of God.
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