Beautiful Day by Susan L.

  It's wonderful to see the sun shining in a brilliant blue and cloudless sky. Simply looking out the kitchen window has lifted my spirits after a rough night of disquieting dreams and graphic, violent nightmares.
  There are also signs that the hyper vigilance is easing. Every single muscle from my head down to my tiny toes is aching. Who'd have thought that relaxing could be so painful?! The feeling is welcomed because it's a tangible sign of improvement.
  There was a chance to talk with my boss yesterday about what's going on. We came up with a strategy to help me continue doing my job. (There were doubts.) If necessary, if the anxiety starts to escalate, I can go into the office and close the door, taking as much time as needed. Thank You, Lord, that I work in a peer support environment that is so willing and gracious to accommodate when things aren't going well.
  Yes, there are laws in place in Canada for every workplace to exercise care for their employees' needs. When it comes to mental health, some are not so willing to help.
  We both had a good laugh after telling her about feeling the pressure to knit all 600 pairs of mitts for the Christmas gift drive!
  I heard someone mention about the need to have other people in our lives to "keep it real". This wave of sharing my own struggles has had a mountain of benefits. Best of all, the burden that was weighing me down now has many hands helping me bear it. I've also been blessed by having others speaking life into the dark place that was dragging me down.
  Sometimes the lies can be so believable that it's easy to forget they are lies meant to destroy any shreds of self confidence. Hmm, the words, "self confidence" caused a burst of adrenaline and the knots in my stomach to tighten. I think there's a need to do a worksheet on that idea. Self confidence isn't pride. Why do I think it is?
  That's it for today. It's a good time to put on my hiking boots and head out for a walk. It's too nice of a day to waste.
  "For if the truth of God has increased through my lie to His glory, why am I also still judged as a sinner?" Rom 3:7