I told a friend of mine I would do a painting for her several months ago. It didn't happen and my friend is understandably hurt by the broken promise. Never in a million years do I wish to inflict hurt on someone and I feel badly about it all.
I was wondering why, what stopped me from doing as I had promised? This isn't an attempt to justify my lack of action but an examination into what held me back; an opportunity to hold up the issues to the light. Lord, I seek Your wisdom and the insight of the Holy Spirit.
Sadly, for myself, broken promises have happened on a regular basis. I no longer expect anyone to keep their word. It surprises me when someone follows through. There's a poor lesson learned that doing what you said you would do is a matter of choice. Which it isn't. Forgive me Lord for believing it was.
This is also an issue of personal worth. I may not be worthy of kept promises but my friend sure is. Forgive me, Lord, for behaving otherwise, for ignoring their value and just how important they are to me as a beloved friend who deserves better.
Fear. That black, swirling, snarling monster which is determined to steal confidence in my own abilities. I can hear the echoes of the questions that have tormented me for months...Would it be good enough? How should I tackle it? What if I make a mistake? What if...what if...to the point of paralysis and overwhelm.
Fear serves the devil's agenda. I will NOT allow him to hold me back any longer.
Echoes of past criticisms chew away at the understanding that I am a competent artist. Their sole purpose is to feed the fear. Lord, I forgive those who have uttered words that have helped the fear grow into a perpetual companion.
I will do as I promised. For a whole lot of reasons but mostly because I am so sorry to have done harm. And the painting will be beautiful.
"But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." Mat 5:37
One of my sons was (is?) a very literal thinker. When he was old enough to hold me accountable, if I said I'd do something, or even if I'd maybe do it, he'd expect it. When this started to create conflicts, I learned not to imply something that either I wasn't prepared to follow through with, or that might not be possible. In essence, I learned to assess a situation as fully as possible before responding to it. Fortunately, when you're a parent, you can always default to "we'll see" if you don't know whether a yes or no is called for. :)
ReplyDeleteIn dealing with adults, a similar principal can apply - know your limited and assess each situation (prayerfully) before responding, whenever an immediate answer is not essential. Especially as Christians, we need to be people of our word. However, we can't beat ourselves up when situations arise that can't be foreseen and require a change of plans, or giving up our desires. We are also called to be people of forgiveness, of each other, and of ourselves.
Sorry, a typo in my comment above. It should not be "know your limited", but should have been "know your limits". Not to imply that anyone is not good enough, but that we should try to know ourselves honestly enough to assess realistic goals.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insight and for giving me something to think about and pray about.
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