Lazarus by Susan L.

  I've been thinking about Lazarus lately. How had he felt when he died? Did he despair? I don't know much about Jewish beliefs in the afterlife. Jesus has given us Christians hope for what lay beyond death, for an eternity with Him when we shrug off this mortal coil.
  Jesus called Lazarus to life after he was dead for four days. Scripture says he was bound in grave cloths. Did he come out looking like a mummy wrapped head to toe in white linen strips? Did he stumble because his legs were bound and his muscles unused for days? I believe his face was covered so he wouldn't have been able to see much. The linens would have been covered in dust from the tomb so breathing through the fabric must have been difficult. Did the people gathered to witness this miracle recoil in horror at the sight, fearing what lay beneath? Is that why Jesus commanded them to remove the wrappings?
  I've visited this story many times. Like the linen wrappings, it's a healing story of many layers. I know why I am here again. It's the same reason the Lord asked me to join the worship team at church. My insecurities and self doubt are rooted in the past, in the tomb the Lord called me from. And yes, fear is a huge part of this. It's about remaining a victim instead of moving forward with confidence into the life Jesus called me to live in the fullest.
  I'll need help to let go of the ghosts that hold me back, my own grave cloths, that stop me from living without fear. It's about letting go of the spectre of PTSD that would steal my future and stop me from growing into something more than I am. Even if the symptoms flare up or a trigger derails me, it would only be like looking into the tomb. Besides, a triggered response is another way to know what to hold up to the light so more healing can take place. I no longer have to live there.
  As I spoke with the worship team leader on Sunday about joining the team, not only did I mention the organist/pianist ability but also, much to my surprise, that I play the flute although it's been many years. Practice would surely bring that up to snuff. I also offered my voice because it's not half bad either but like the flute, it's a bit rusty.
  The linens fell away.
  Thank You, Lord, for Your forgiveness and grace. Thank You for calling me out of the tomb. Thank You for placing people in my life who continue to help unwrap the person You made me to be at the dawn of time.
  I'll never know what I am capable of without stepping outside my comfort zone. Involvement with the team will be challenging but in a good way.There's much to learn and re-learn. It will be wonderful sharing my deep love of music with like minds. It'll be even more wonderful playing or singing for the Lord as part of His body.
  I pray against the spirits of overwhelm and anxiety and self-doubt. In Jesus most precious name.
  Those dusty wrappings are not needed any more. Hoooyah!
  "Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise." Heb 10:35