It may have been the fact that I had a huge dinner, Thanksgiving style because the night was filled with terrible dreams. There was one that went on and on. I could feel myself gasping for air as panic attack after panic attack swept over me. I was trying to get myself admitted to hospital but everyone thought I was acting up, that the attacks were faked. It was very real and very frightening.
My chest is tight, my heart and soul are rather unsettled this morning. It's how I feel after a real attack which, thankfully, hasn't happened for a long time.
It's put forward that nightmares are our subconscious acting out our fears. Smarten up, subconscious! I sure don't need stuff like that being brought up, not when things are going so well mentally, physically and emotionally! Especially when it triggers a whole lot of rather unpleasant memories of when I was actually hospitalized for mental health reasons.
The dream held some elements of truth to it. The first time I landed in the ER, desperate for some sort of help, absolutely out of my mind...I was going to be sent home. It wasn't until I asked the young lady who was doing my assessment if I needed to hold a gun to my head before she'd help.
That was one of the hardest days of my life. Asking for help, realizing that I wasn't "entitled". My voice, true to history, wasn't being heard. That my well groomed appearance (meaning I was showered and clean) belied the inner chaos. Literally at the end of my rope, I did what was necessary to get that help: threatening suicide.
I was admitted right away.
I was so lost, so tired...there are days from around that time that vanished into the mist because my mind simply walked away.
But now I am found! Amen!
It's coming up to the anniversary date of this life altering, very traumatic time. It's not surprising it showed up in my dreams after all.
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust." surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge."
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The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
I feel at times that dreams speak to us. They often let us "try out" something that we haven't done, or couldn't do, or might do...in the safety of our sleep. I don't think God uses dreams as much as He did in the OT as we now have the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance. I feel dreams are like some messages we hear from a pulpit - some of which we need to chew on the meat and spit out the bones. Is there something to learn from the dream? It there something to give God the glory for? Is there something to give thanks for? Then "spit out" the rest - give it to God. Don't let Satan gain an inch of the miles you the Lord have come. Rejoice that you don't walk that road any more - even if your body remembers the journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I am feeling much better today. The ghosts have been laid to rest again.
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