Losses' Gain by Susan L.

Yesterday's cat blog stirred up a cascade of animal memories. My ex-husband was a wannabe farmer. Long story, but because he worked outside the home, the responsibility fell on my shoulders. At our largest we had nearly fifty mixed sheep and goats, seven cows with calf, the bull, eight horses, copious amounts of free range chickens, ducks and geese, and a pair of llamas to guard the flock. There were a couple of Welsh Black pigs, too. Oh, in the spring there was the added work of raising 150 meat chickens. There were fatalities: accident, illness, stillborn, age and ignorance took their toll. In the latter years before we sold everything and I left, the coyotes wreaked havoc with the sheep. I know that without the llamas, there would have been far more deaths. Every single death eroded my heart and spirit. Every loss cut me to the core. Willingly or unwillingly, I was their shepherdess. The final blow came when I held a lamb whose throat had been ravaged by a coyote. He died in my arms, covering me with his blood. I simply couldn't take any more grief. I felt myself slide deeper into what I know now was severe depression. God had plans. Shortly after, my ex confessed his infidelity. His actions set me free. I found Jesus. The Lord has used this particular memory over and over. He has redeemed the despair and heartbreak to the point I can now give thanks. For me, it is the greatest tool of embracing what being covered by the blood of the Lamb truly means. "And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him." Rev 22:3