At Ease, Soldier by Susan L.

  I didn't sleep too well last night. Around three thirty I realised I had forgotten to take my meds. It was too late to take them so the night was fraught with restless, haunting dreams and tossings to and fro, startling awake and drifting off again only to wake up moments later alert and listening. My meds are something I have never forgotten before. Late, yes, but forgetting? It showed me how important a tool they are for my own wellness and rest.
  I had hoped to sleep in a bit this morning. I'm glad I didn't. The birdsong this morning was absolutely beautiful. A cat bird (I think) perched in the ash tree at the side of the house. The rather unassuming gentleman ran through an amazing repertoire of sounds with the surprisingly cat-like mew interspersed. How something so small could make such a big noise was astounding. It truly helped shake off the last disquiet from the night.
  I'm going to spend the day outside, forgoing church. My reserves have been sorely depleted by the over-the-top anxiety of the last few weeks. It's time to rest and refresh. I know church is supposed to do that for us but sadly, it ends up taking a huge amount of energy for me to attend. This morning, being tired and vulnerable, it's best I don't go.
  It's hard, not feeling safe there, amidst worship and the teachings of the God's Word. But it is what it is. PTSD doesn't discriminate. In my stubborn determination to not allow the anxiety to rule my life, I forced myself to go a couple weeks ago. It didn't turn out well.
  My plan is to putter in the garden a bit, resting frequently to simply enjoy the outdoors. It looks like it is going to be a lovely day.
  And the old hymn, "In the Garden", is the song of the day.
  "Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon You, for You will answer me." Ps 86:6-7