It Feels Like Christmas by Susan L.

Yes, it is Thanksgiving weekend. I just feel so blessed by the rich gifts that have come my way: good food, good conversation, laughs and the sharing of knowledge, celebrating our children, our lives and our faith. Expressions of gratitude blessed the Lord and last night's meal shared with friends. And for me especially: wellness. The biggest gift of all. To be in the present, unburdened of the past...wow! To be in a social situation, meeting new people with zero anxiety...wow! To acknowledge being blessed and be able to humbly realize it goes both ways...wow! I have caught myself smiling what feels like a Mona Lisa smile. Maybe having the knowledge and security of God's love is what made her smile that way. The peace, the joy, the quiet fireworks of Jesus' love for her filled her heart as she posed for the portrait. She smiled the mysterious smile that has puzzled art historians and academics for generations. I can hear the childhood, sing song taunt, "I know something you don't know!" Only for me it's "I know something I pray you will discover for your very own." "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love." Jn 15:9

Party by Susan L.

A high school friend celebrated their twenty-fifth anniversary yesterday. Her husband arranged a surprise party for her. It was good to see them, these high school sweethearts who have gone the distance. I don't see them often or even talk to them. It's the kind of friendship where it doesn't seem to matter. We simply pick up where we left off. The tiny house was crowded with well-wishers. It was noisy, as parties tend to be, but my anxiety failed to get the better of me. It reared its head a couple times. I simply went outside for a few minutes. It helped that I knew a lot of the people and could focus on catching up. Even if it has been a (gasp!) quarter century. I was her maid of honour at the wedding. Once again it is an honour to witness the deep and tender love the two hold for each other. May they have many more years together. Amen! "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Eph 5:31

Change of Seasons by Susan L.

The Canada geese are noisily gathering at the lake across the road. More and more come each day. Sometimes they fly so low overhead you can hear the wind whistling through their wings. I was rather restless so I went outside to stargaze and listen to them chatter, catching up on all the news. It was a beautiful night with an autumn nip in the air. Sleep evaded me for a long while. I tossed around most of the night. Pumpkin had to duck and dodge more than a few times. It doesn't surprise me. Yesterday was a momentous day. A big decision day. I regularly doubt my abilities to make the right choice in little decisions. A big one creates quite the stir in my heart and soul. I know it was the right thing, to no longer see my therapist. My head has a habit of getting in the way. Silly head! "I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart." Ps 119:32

Post Appointment by Susan L.

It is done. Today was my last appointment with my therapist. This change has been in the background for several months. True to form, when I'm ready, I jump in the deep end, trusting in my Maker. There's an image of the Lord turning another page in the Book of Lives. Yet another milestone in my small chapter. I feel the breeze from the page blowing through my soul. I sense His smile. We got through. I was right about the location bringing the past to mind. My heart is delighted because for sure, yes, for sure it is finished. At least this part. There will be difficulties ahead, challenges, anxieties, changes, loss...but interwoven in that is joy, laughter, play, contentment...peace. I think it's called life. Wow. I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. "Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage." Ps 84:5

Tomorrow by Susan L.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. We've been on quite the journey for a long time. I know it's time for me to move on. My reluctance to make the hour's drive is a good sign. Part of the reluctance I've just realized is because she has sold her house. We have met in her home office for a number of years. Tomorrow's meeting is at her other office. We met there when my journey was at its most difficult. I'm not sure I want to be there. I am feeling very well, better than I ever have. It would be nice for it to last. Yes! There has been tremendous healing but my fear, yes Lord, fear is that the office will trigger a landslide of old emotions. It's a valid fear. It's the nature of PTSD. Or maybe (yes Lord) I need to go just to say goodbye. To all of it. Final, tangible closure. Thanks for listening. "I will say of the Lord,"He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." Ps 91:2

Men by Susan L.

I believe God has worked a miracle in my life because I don't hate men. The past doesn't matter any more. Bitterness has been flushed from my soul. That is the miracle. It has been a slow and tender process. A few men, just as broken at the hand of my gender, have brought healing. Their stories helped fill my heart with compassion, drowning out toxic emotions that could poison my soul. Yes, I am uncomfortable around them. Downright fearful at times. Their deeper voices can trigger old anxieties, old responses. It makes me nervous talking to them. That is probably a huge part of the stress I feel at the Bible study group. It's best to keep going and I will. Life is too short to miss out on such a wonderful opportunity. The opportunity to offer up my fears and prejudices to the Lord, to heal, to grow, to share, to learn of the Love beyond mortal limitations. "You also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." 1 Pet 2:5

Authority by Susan L.

The pastor brought up an interesting thought yesterday. I've been chewing on it ever since. He gave a sermon about being a good minister based on 1 Peter chapter 5. It was unique how he humbly and willingly spoke to himself. We were witnesses to an exchange between the Lord and him. At the end, he spoke to the congregation about submitting to the authority of the church elders. He observed how many people have a huge problem with that. When the power inherent in authority has been abused it is difficult to trust anyone in that position be it pastor, boss, supervisor, teacher, spouse and so on. It's no wonder we often struggle in submitting to our Maker. Submitting begins with admitting our needs for guidance, assistance...love unconditional. Submission is the admission to a better life where we don't need to have all the answers. It is where we can begin to lay our burdens down. "Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." 1 Pet 5:2-3