I am Carried, Exodus 19:4 by Susan L.

  God says, "You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to Myself."
  I have to ponder the circumstances of God's chosen people during their time of wandering in the wilderness. It must have been an exhausting and difficult slog. It was probably more so because there was no definitive destination, no hope of arrival at the vaguely labelled "promised land".
  It would have been a hot journey. Dust from countless feet would have swirled around, choking the last drops of moisture from tongue and skin. Their eyes would be full of grit blown in on a breeze that gave no cooling relief. Food became scarce over the years as most of the flocks of sheep and goats were slaughtered to feed the masses. Water was even more scarce in this land of desert and sun.
  Feet would have blistered in the beginning, unused to such labour. Callouses on heel and toe would have cracked, making each step a painful one. How many people walked the sandals right off of their feet?
  Parents would have grown weary of carrying the little ones unable to walk for very long. Others would become exhausted as they helped the elders to journey on.
  Setting up camp and taking it down every day is a laborious job. I have to wonder if many simply sat down and slept where they were, huddled together against the chill of a desert night with no fire to warm themselves by...
 
  What man sees as difficult, God portrays as being borne on eagles' wings. But then, His is a heavenly perspective. Ours, not so much.
  This reminds me of the well known poem, "Footprints" and the part where there were two sets of footprints along the beach but, at times, only one set in the sand remains. It's meant to represent the moments in life when God walks beside us and the times of trial when God carries us.
  "Today, if you will hear His voice; do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion, as in the day of trial in the wilderness."
 
  Lord, I lift to you those who are going through troubles and trials. Let Your comforting presence be revealed from out of the dark and dreary wilderness. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!
 
  
 

I Am Cared For, 1 Peter 5:7 by Susan L.

  There's a verse where Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him three times. Sorry, I couldn't find the reference but I heard a teaching about it a while ago I think is worth sharing.
  The first two times, Jesus uses the Hebrew word for agape love. It's the full on, no holds barred kind of love. Peter responds, yes, Lord, like a brother. The third time Jesus asks, He uses the word for brotherly love.
  Grace in action. He met Peter where he was at.
  In his letter, Peter calls the followers of Jesus sojourners and pilgrims. A sojourner is someone who resides temporarily in a place. A pilgrim is someone who seeks a sacred destination. It's a paradox that it's possible to stay put yet move forward.
  When Peter wrote these things to his fellow believers I have to wonder if he met them where they were at. Maybe they weren't ready to receive God's full on agape love just like he had been earlier in his walk with the Lord. Peter had walked and talked with Jesus but still held back a piece of his heart.
  Hmmm, isn't that validating!
  Lord, show me where I am holding back. More importantly, show me why I am doing this. Thank You for meeting me where I am at because this only fills me with a desire to be more than I am. It deepens my desire to know You better and to understand this thing called "love".
  "Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." 1 Pet 2:4
 

 

I am Calm, Philippians 4:6 by Susan L.

  Gratitude, a grateful attitude. Being thankful is the healing balm that soothes worry, fear, and discontent. A life filled with gratitude is like living in the eye of a tornado where the destructive winds have no power. Gratitude is the gateway to calm because in being thankful for all things, the devil's swirling blasts of worry, fear and discontent have no power.

  It's a slow writing day today. Those few short sentences have taken almost an hour. Grrrr! There's a whack of frustration creeping in because normally the words flow. (I am not so calm after all.) Maybe it's because it's such a lovely day outside and I've a list of chores to get accomplished. Taking extra long over the blog is not part of the agenda. Ooooo, there it is... Why I am frustrated. This needs to be in God's time, not mine.

  Gratitude can also be prophetic. :)
  "Thank You, Lord, that this post will bear fruit and what is said will point to Your heart. Thank You, I will be able to surrender control of the process to Your more than capable Spirit."

  Hmmm, maybe that's all there is for today even though it doesn't conform to the "usual" length for a post. Now that's a struggle! Knowing when to stand. Knowing when to push past resistance. It's also learning to acknowledge my limitations. Being thankful for limitations? You gotta be kidding me!
  So I acknowledge that today's post is being written out of obligation and duty. I acknowledge I didn't listen to the gentle whisper that writing after doing some chores would be better. I acknowledge my mind is not completely on the task at hand. It is such a lovely day. The birds are singing. The open kitchen window is a distraction.
  I am so thankful our God is a God of grace.
  "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy--meditate on these things." Phil 4:8
 
 
 
 

I am Called, 1 Peter 5:10 by Susan L.

  The last summer of working the farm, I was on my own to get the hay into the barn. The equipment terrified me. The steep and rolling hills in the field terrified me. The consequences of not getting it done terrified me more. True to form, the "git 'er done" drive meant I stuffed those fears deep down but that first day, I did something I'd never done before. I prayed for safety for myself and anyone who was helping me.
  Cutting went smoothly. The older than ancient hay baler was as cantankerous as ever. I can still feel and hear the one-beat-per-second rhythmic heartbeat of the fifty year old beast. Ka-thunk. Ka-thunk.
  At the crest of one of the hills, there was a tremendous bang and thud. Whipping my head around, I realized the power shaft had broken free from the tractor. The heavy, steel post was flailing around. The front part of the metal guard around the shaft had jammed solid, pulling the shaft free but keeping it firmly attached to the baler.
  It was a long time before I made the connection between this happy accident and baby prayers. Had the shaft not jammed, I could have been fatally injured by an airborne fifteen pound steel tube.
  Just writing about it make me realize what a close call it was.
  So, why did I pray?
  I felt called to regardless of how stupid I felt about the whole thing. It was an urge I couldn't resist. I felt stupid because prayer was not part of my life. I believed God was not part of my life. I felt stupid because a neighbour saw me sitting on the tractor and drove in to ask what I was doing, if I was okay.
  My embarrassed, mumbled response was, "I'm fine, just sayin' a prayer".
  My spirit and heart knew what my mind had yet to embrace: God was part of my life. He hadn't turned away. I had.
  But not for much longer.
  I believe this obedient prayer was the first step of finding comfort in something good and pure and lovely. The simple prayer offered a glimmer of hope in the fear filled darkness that enveloped my life.
  "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Jesus Christ, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Pet 5:10-11
 
 
 
 

I am Buried with Christ, Romans 6:4 by Susan L.

  The third verse in Romans 6 goes on to say, "Or do you not know that as many of us were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death?"
  What does that mean? What is the significance of Christ's death?
  I don't think I have time to write a book this morning. It needs a book because this is the biggest moment in Christ's life: His death.
  And resurrection. In two fateful events this accomplished what all the religious laws in the universe couldn't.
 The death of sin.

  God had tried to meet His people one-on-one after He freed them from Egypt. The very idea terrified them so they asked Moses to act as a go-between. God gave them rituals and rules instead of relationship. He met them where they were at.
  I wonder, was this because they still held on to a master/slave mentality? Five hundred years is a long time to be held captive.
  So many questions! But I think it goes to show the love God has for His people. He didn't try and force a new way of life on them because they simply weren't ready.
  It's a good thing Abba Father had a plan in place. It's a good thing everything is different now!

  I've been thinking a lot about how Jesus' death destroyed the Jewish temple and tore the veil. The veil was a curtain. Only those who had undergone purification through animal sacrifice, extensive prayer and ritual could go past it and enter into the holy presence of God.
  This ties into my meandering thoughts on being the Bride of Christ.
  It's been on my mind a lot.
  I think it's only a more recent wedding tradition where a bride wears a veil. Maybe this is why it was started the in the first place. After saying the wedding vows, the happy groom lifts the veil to see his wife for the very first time.

  I have imagined Jesus gently lifting a veil woven by sin and rules and ignorance off my face. Not only can I see Him better but I can sense Him looking into the depths of my soul. As I look back into His bright and warm, honey-brown eyes, all I see there is an amazing, unbridled love.
  What was done in the past, slips away. The poor choices, the judgements, the fears and regrets vanish under His unwavering joy and delight.
  It's a rolling stone moment. A resurrection moment made possible by the One who died and rose again. It's made possible because His life put law to death.
  My heart swells with gratitude because I have the joy of intimacy with my Lord. My "old man" has been laid to rest in the empty tomb of Christ.
  "But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 6:22-23

 I will be taking a short break for the weekend. I hope to be back writing on Tuesday. God bless.

 

 


 

Under Construction by Susan L.

 "I am built up." 1 Peter 2:5
  Yesterday was full of aftershocks from the flashbacks Tuesday night. A flashback is a powerful memory that has the ability to disconnect the mind from the present and transport it into the remembered event. The world around vanishes as sights, sounds and even smells flood the senses. It's rather frightening when it happens, when reality is suddenly gone. I think the hardest part is coming to terms with not being able to prevent this from happening. Flashbacks don't have warning signs.
  In saying this, I can fully acknowledge that the sources of previous flashbacks have been disarmed through prayer and much therapy. They don't happen anywhere near as often as they used to. Once they were daily. This was the first time in months.
  Yesterday was spent in a flashback "hangover". Once the fight/flight response is triggered, it takes a couple of days for it to settle down. The world was terribly loud. My nerves were jangling. I went and talked to a friend about what had happened. It was a beautiful day so I also took my bike out and went for a long ride (9.2 Kms. A first for me.) The exercise helped a lot. So did the sunshine.
  It's a good thing Jesus was a carpenter because I also prayed, seeking insight into the truth of my own circumstances at the time of this particular flashback. He put the pieces together one plank at a time. That is, using the planks in my own eye.
  I had a lot to be forgiven for. Mostly because following my ex's admission of infidelity, I waited for an apology from him. It never came simply because he didn't think he'd done anything wrong. He had learned from his father's example and Irish heritage that this sort of thing was something men did.
  It was also the first time in twenty years there had been consequences because of his behaviour. This did not go over well to say the least.
  I shared yesterday what the devil was throwing my way. Jesus built a shield of understanding to fend off these darts. The covenant of marriage had been broken, releasing me from "wifely responsibilities". Reconciliation takes two people willing to change the status quo. If I'd simply carried on as though nothing had happened, nothing would have changed. In fact, it would have given an unspoken permission for him to step outside the bonds of marriage whenever he wanted.
  A bad situation would have gotten a whole lot worse.
  I give thanks that Jesus helped me remain steadfast in my decision because it was the right one for the circumstances.
  I have found peace. Thank You, Lord. I ask You to remind me to pray for him often. In Jesus' name. AMEN!
  "Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit." Eph 2":19-22
 
 
 
 
 

I am Brought Near, Ephesians 2:13 by Susan L.

  I need an affirmation today. It's a good one. They are all good but this one is a healing balm to my unsettled soul.
  Our small group went to see the movie "A Case for Christ". It's the story of how Lee Strobel, in a quest to disprove God's existence, ended up believing. He is now a renowned Christian author.
  A couple of the scenes when he was drunk and fighting with his wife, a new believer, triggered some vivid and unpleasant flashbacks. The actor's script was nearly word for word what was directed at me so long ago. I would have left the theatre but was afraid that once I got moving, someone might have been hurt by a panic filled scramble to GET OUT NOW!
  I know it was actors playing the roles but on a huge movie theatre screen, it's hard not to get wrapped up in what's happening.
  I am feeling a bit down this morning. Or maybe haunted is a better word.
  So, Lord, I am drawing near to You. You are Redeemer, Healer, and the Captain of my heart. Guide me through this landmine of memories into truth and understanding. Show me the way to peace.
  Any story of reconciliation between spouses is always hard for me to watch. I guess it's the devil trying to steal my peace: "You could have done more. You could have handled things better. You should have stayed like a good Christian wife and brought your ex to the Lord. (That's the biggest lie ever!) You did a really bad job of portraying the love of Jesus."
  Now isn't that a heap of garbage! I had no voice in the marriage anyways. Becoming a Christian had only created another weapon of oppression. Which takes me back to the drunken fight scenes in the movie and why I am blogging about this now.
  I was hanging onto the Lord for my life. In shock. PTSD had been born although I didn't know it at the time. Yet, in the face of such adversity, I never let go of my newfound faith. The price was too high. The great, hoped for "something better" had been found. It had never been lost. I was.
  The Lord had planned the season and the reasons for restoring me to Him. For that I am eternally grateful. He succeeded.
  "But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Eph 2:13