Clean Out by Susan L.

  It may be a bit early to begin spring cleaning but with the weather snowy and blowy, it seemed a good idea to sort through some cupboards. It's not an overly strenuous job, just time consuming which is good since I am not feeling overly well. My closet and dresser has been ruthlessly purged. Anything not worn in the last three years went. There's a bag of clothes to be donated to the second hand shop and a bag full of rags for future cleaning purposes.
  Then I tackled my linen closet or at least part of it. It isn't very big but two entire shelves of much needed space were devoted to finished art pieces. A teacher told me a long time ago to never throw out your work but there comes a time when it is necessary. This is the time. Most of it consisted of pieces I'd done in art therapy. None of them were signed or dated so there was no way to file them in any kind of order. It felt good to tear most of the loose ones up and toss them in the recycling bin. It was freeing and a physical statement that I am past the emotions of whenever the piece had been done.
  I kept my sketchbooks. Perhaps one day I'll be able to go through them. It was a bit much. They are  more like personal, visual journals of my recovery journey than pictures to hang on a wall. Tying them in a bundle helped keep them together instead of them flapping all over the place. There was also something satisfying in containing the contents with a bit of pretty ribbon found at the back of the cupboard.
  Then came the toy box. Not that there's much in it but it needed cleaning out (and vacuuming!). It needs some new toys for when the grandchildren come to visit. Although, the doll house keeps them occupied for hours. Perhaps a couple of family type games would be a nice addition.
  Today's clean out list starts with the junk drawer in the kitchen. It's the one that holds bread tags, paper clips, pens that never seem to work and the bits and pieces you can never find when you are looking for them! Mine is particularly tiny so when I hear stuff falling into the cupboard under the drawer, it's a sign that it needs purging.
  It's amazing how much stuff accumulates. I swear there are elves who add to the clutter when I am sleeping!
  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new." 2 Cor 5:17
 
 

Magical by Susan L.

  Sunday's worship playing was the first time I was able to completely lose myself in the music. The melody, lyrics, and instruments all came together in a unity of purpose, in a unity of song to please God. It didn't matter at all that there was a congregation out front or that I was battling a bark that would put a sea lion to shame.
  I wasn't the only one with a cold. The illnesses didn't interfere because a Divine Hand silenced the snuffles and coughs so all of us could play and sing as the songs required. The power of prayer...It sure goes a long way.
  I was supposed to play next Sunday but begged off because of the cold. It's better to give the team leader a bit of notice rather than cancel last minute especially since she now has me filling in for the lead guitar. I am not happy about cancelling but it will give me a couple of weeks to get rid of this bug because the next Sunday was an off week as well.
  Lord? Speedy healing please, for all of us! Speedy healing for anyone battling illness in Jesus' Name! Amen.
  "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold form those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You!" Ps 84:11-12
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

'Tis the Season by Susan L.

  I think most of us, if we feel a bug coming on prior to the Christmas busy-ness, tend to fight it off or at least delay it. The extra adrenaline caused by rushing here, rushing there, seems to make us stronger. But it can't last forever. It seems each January is filled with a symphony of coughing, hacking, sneezing, and nose blowing no matter where you go. I don't know if it's because there's a level of burnout so our immune systems aren't as strong as they could be or if it's simply because there's that many more germs out there this time of year.
  Worship team practice had a counter melody of barks and gasps. At least half of us had some sort of bug. I'd started out okay but after playing for a while, my lungs decided to finally give in to my own borderline cold. It sure isn't conducive to the deep breathing needed to sustain a note. It might be wise for me to get some cough syrup before church tomorrow.
  Somehow my flute has taken over the crucial, lead guitar parts seeing as the lead guitar player is away at school. Missing the service would leave a huge gap in the music. No stress there...well, maybe a little.
  This is not what I had expected when I joined the team, to be "up front". (Ha! Another pesky expectation!) This is wa-a-ay outside my comfort zone! Yes, I play up front but this is a really "up front!
  God is so good. Whenever He gives us more than we can handle, He's right there beside us to encourage us and support us. Not knowing what the future will bring might be a good thing.
  After I had left my marriage, my home was a room in a basement. Going for drives was a way to get away for a bit. Often I'd park on some out-of-the-way side road to have some quiet prayer time and to enjoy the scenery. There was one time, a winding road disappeared behind a hill and into a forest. I could see the other end off in the distance before it, too, vanished behind a hill.
  The Lord helped me realize that life is a lot like that, too.
  I may not always be able to see the path the Lord has chosen but, like the road, even if I can't see it, I know it is there. He is the One who will faithfully guide me over the hills and though the woods or up front at church. He is the One who has me exactly where I am meant to be.
  "For our citizenship is in heaven from which we also eagerly wait for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself." Phil 3:20-21
 

Appreciation by Susan L.

  I've had experience with the three major government social assistance programs for people living with disabilities. (Thank You, Lord, that they are there for those in need!)
  Employment Insurance, which used to be welfare, is a support where a single person who is either unable to work, who is waiting for disability, or is in desperate straits may receive a maximum of $450 a month to live on. Next is the Ontario Disability Support Program where, if you qualify under a disability, will provide a little over a thousand a month. Then there is the federal Canada Pension Plan Disability program. They base their assistance on the amount you have contributed towards retirement into the Canada Pension Plan when and if you worked. It's automatically deducted from your wages.
  In some countries those would be staggering amounts. Here in Southern Ontario, where rent can easily reach four figures, it's tough to get by on. Food banks are flourishing. Homelessness is everywhere. For a country as rich as ours, the poverty rate is shameful.
  But that's not why I am writing about this.
  Once a year I have to contact CPP to let them know how I am doing; if there have been any changes to my employment or health. That was last May. I had a call this morning from a representative as a follow up to last May's call. Our government systems aren't known for speed.
  She's the second person at CPP I have dealt with over the years. Both were kind, friendly and most encouraging. Even though part of their role is to facilitate clients returning to work, because I work in an incredibly supportive environment focused around mental health, they are quite pleased with the status quo.
  It's a relief, really. My stomach always gets into knots when I get one of these calls.
  Lord, I am most thankful for the supports we have in place in this country and for the good people who work at what must be a challenging job.
  "You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance." Ps 65:11

Of Nightmares and Restless Sleep by Susan L.

  I don't know what has been happening the last couple of nights but, man oh man, the dreams have been particularly nasty and lengthy. There's been a lot of running and hiding from the bogey man in full Technicolor. There's surround sound and vivid odours. Not that I remember too many details but the residual fear and discomfort has left me rather unsettled, nervous and fatigued as well as slightly depressed.
  Why can't my dreams be filled with fluffy clouds, rainbows and pink ponies instead? Or better yet, Jesus' smiling face. Looking at Him would be much, much nicer than an all night film marathon that has me crouching in terror or running breathlessly through unknown places.
  Forgive me. I am whining and a bit out of sorts this morning.
  Let's look at the bright side. They are, after all, only dreams.
  The thought crossed my mind, even as I slept, that these incredibly detailed, organized and sequential dreams would make an amazing thriller novel. Part of me must've recognized they weren't real.
  I wonder if taking notes and dreaming at the same time is possible. Could a person wake up enough to legibly (that's important) scribble down what has happened then drift back into the same dream to find out what happens next?
  I don't know...sleepiness and coordination somehow don't seem to go together. The occasional, half-awake stumbles to the washroom have often been accompanied by bouncing off the door frame. Holding a pen might be beyond human capabilities in the wee hours of the night. Never mind the necessity of turning on the bedside lamp only to sear the eyeballs with it's brilliance. That takes a whole whack of fine motor skills, too!
  And the ghosts of the night have vanished.
  "The Lord said to my Lord, "Sit at my right hand, till I make Your enemies Your footstool." Mat 22:44
 
 

Disappointment by Susan L.

  During my travels I got thinking about my comment a couple of posts ago about having been disappointed many times in my life.
  Where does disappointment come from?
  Usually it's when someone or something fails to respond or have the results we expected. And there is the crux of the matter. Living with expectations. They can be awfully heavy burdens for someone to bear. Trying to live up to how someone expects us to behave can really stifle, if not downright suffocate us, and who we truly are in Christ. In turn, our own expectations are a huge burden to others.
  It rules this world. We are expected to be thin and fit. (The rate of eating disorders in young men is on the rise.) We are expected to have the latest techno gadget. We are expected to have the nicest, fastest car, the highest paying jobs, the biggest house, the most education. (The amount of debt the average Canadian carries is staggering.) Advertising and cultural innuendo does a good job of helping us feel inadequate. It's all a ploy to get us to buy into their product. They expect us to!
  There's no room for grace in a life lived with expectations because they are all about control. There's no room for flexibility. There's no room for laughing at ourselves. There's no room for contentment. Perhaps that's why God has stressed how important it is that we forgive just as we are forgiven.
  I remember reading a long time ago about living with expectancy. It's a verb, an action word, that has fluidity. Expectancy opens the door to endless possibilities. That means living without the need to control situations, people or the future. Expectancy means turning everything over to God by letting go of things.
  I think about some of the greatest scientific discoveries. Experiment after experiment ends with starting all over again. Yet, the determination, the expectancy of success, has lead to many wonderful breakthroughs. And yes, there were often unforeseen results that have benefitted all of mankind.
  Writing this blog is an exercise in expectancy. I sit down at the keyboard and wait for inspiration. Same with the drafting table. I admit living with expectancy has taken some practice! I'd really like it to become part of my everyday existence.
  Expectancy's brother is trust.
  Thank You, Lord, for that little gem.
  "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than put confidence in princes." Ps 118:8-9

Laugh! by Susan L.

  It appears that all the fuss and kafuffle of Christmas made my mind do a bit of a time warp. January first I woke up in 2016, not 2017! It's good to make mistakes. It keeps me humble.
  I was down in Sarnia for the last couple of days with my two sons and daughter, their better halves, and the grandchildren for the last blast of Christmas celebrations. My folks made it as well so there were four generations gathered together.
  My stomach was sore from all the laughter.
  My travel days were a bit snowy. The drive down was a bit dicey in places. About an hour into the drive, just as the snow was starting to get serious, a large transport truck came up behind me. They are a lot more confident driving in bad weather so I pulled over to let him pass. His large tires acted like mini-snow plows in places where the road lay covered. This created a safer path for me in the much smaller vehicle. We travelled together most of the way. My heart bid him a thankful "Safe Travels!" as we parted ways.
  Coming home was a mix of a whole lot of stuff falling from the sky. Momentary blizzards, an icy drizzle followed by fat, tissue sized flakes kept things interesting. There's a lot of open country, farm fields, where whirling mini-tornadoes of wind driven snow tore across the landscape. Other places, the snow streamed across the road like a river. It made me understand why the Inuit people have so many names for snow.
  "You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance." Ps 65:11