Chatterbox by Susan L.

Goodness! My kitchen window is very dirty! I'm wondering, does that change how I view the world? A flood of cast aside negative core beliefs comes to mind. It's like the windows of my soul have been Windexed and polished so the Light could shine in. Okay. That was lame and corny. I'm trying too hard to write something this morning. That's why I was staring out the window. It's one thing to have a voice, it's another to fill space by talking for the sake of talking. Cricket. My dad called me that when I was little because I used to chatter and sing all day. Cute when you're four. Go-to-the-corner-school-unnacceptabe offence when you're five. Life, my marriage, silenced me. I suppose lifelong depression added its own gag. I'm glad I am rediscovering my voice. It's been punished long enough. "Open your mouth for the speechless in the cause of all who are appointed to die." Prov 31:8

Eddies by Susan L.

It feels like thunderstorms today. The air is already hot, heavy, humid and there's barely any breeze. It's the first time this year I've needed to close the windows early to keep the heat out. Summer has arrived! It's a good day to play in the basement. There's a couple of projects I'd like to build. The first is a gravity feeder for dry cat food. I priced plastic ones in a couple of pet stores. Ouch! Basically it's a bird feeder for cats. Easy enough to build. The other is a wooden sign for the centre earmarking a quiet zone for creative endeavours. It's a good day to take a rest from the garden. Humidity drives the mosquitoes into a feeding frenzy. I don't feel like donating any blood to their cause. I like making sawdust and working with wood. It will give me some time to think about what I want to share of my story next month. I've made several false starts. Working with my hands clears my mind. I ask,Lord, for Your inspiration. Inspire me, correct me and teach me what You know needs to be shared. In Jesus' name. "But let a man examine himself and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup." 1 Cor 11:28

New Pen by Susan L.

I have to replace the lovely fountain pen my daughter gave me several years ago. It rolled off the table and smashed the nib. I was so sad about it on so many different levels. We've travelled untold pages, the pen and I. It knows all too well the dark depths of the Black River. Many, many prayers and declarations of gratitude flowed from its point, too. It has documented my transformation from invisible thing into this wonderfully wobbly-growing-in-confidence woman of God. The pen has been crucial in learning how to express myself vocally. It has been a sword when I wrote a letter about the inhumane treatment I received while at the psych hospital. My complaint was validated although at the time I declined to take it further. I just wanted the human rights violations on record with the College of Physicians and Surgeons. Being in hospital, twice, contained some of the darkest days in my life. Most of all, the pen has allowed me the opportunity of learning to hear God's voice amidst all the chaos and pain of the river. It feels a bit strange, writing an obituary for a pen because even though it doesn't work any more, I'll put it in my treasure box. It has been a major key that has opened my heart and soul to so many amazing things. "He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters." Ps 18:16

Ads by Susan L.

There's a current ad on TV that has left me rather disturbed. It's for a men's razor/shaver/trimmer. Nothing new there but in the ad, they "interview" tall, slender, model type women about what they like in men regarding body hair. This Gillette product is supposed to, as the tag line goes, "Give the ladies what they want." Meaning the men who use this product will attract only the most physically beautiful women. It bothers me because the dark message is so blatant. I know all the marketing aimed at women contains the same message. It is more subtle. We are taught we need to shave, primp, curl, diet, dye, pluck, have surgery (!) in order to be attractive to men. This is not just a North American issue. Beauty pagent contestants in India have their faces measured to see if they fit the cultural criteria for beauty! We drink it in, spending billions of dollars on miracle products because we are taught not to be happy with the way we look from cradle to the grave. There are whole TV shows dedicated to "fixing" the human physical condition with millions of followers. (Dr. Oz, I'll pray for you.) How can we instill respect for things like kindness, honesty, chivalry, chastity, dignity, honour, faith and grace when the media reduces children, youth, adults and the aging into nothing more than slabs of sexual meat? We know the cost. Eating disorders (on the rise in men), bullying, mental illnesses like depression. Even, so very sadly, suicide. "You built your high places at the head of every road, and made your beauty to be abhorred." Ez 16:25

Christmas in June by Susan L.

This was the theme for my writer's group earlier this month. At that time, I couldn't write about it. Today? Well, today feels like Christmas. My houseguest, Fred the cat, will be taking up permanent residency. I spoke with his owner, telling her that I was growing too attached to him. I needed to know if she was going to take him back. In my heart of hearts I was hoping she wouldn't. I barely had the words out of my mouth when she asked if I would like to keep him. Keep him! Yes! I mean his ginger coat even matches my decor! No, seriously he's a good fit. He's not the pushy type who insists on playing with your pen when you're writing. An excellent quality in a cat especially since I write and draw. A lot. A few months ago I would not have even concidered a pet. But Fred? He's brought a profound healing to some of the wounded, animal related places in my soul; a four legged, fuzzy, purry healing. That and I had the chance to skip some stones across a river. How much fun was that! (I lost count at eight!) Thank You, Lord, for simple pleasures and unexpected gifts. Psalm 139 says it all.

Shake, Rattle 'n Roll" by Susan L.

For several weeks now I've kept waking up with a song in my head. It's not the alarm clock, it has an across-the-room-tossing-teeth-grating buzz. The songs range from this morning's 60's (?) hit, "Delta Dawn...what's that flower you have on?" to"Smile, Darn Ya Smile" from the 30's. Classical favorites like Pachelbel's Canon in D or gospel favorites have popped as well. It's odd, putting the kettle on for coffee with an internal iPod playing full blast. Some of the songs trigger a bit of anger like the 1940's hit, "Smile Though Your Heart is Breaking". Over and over the lesson has been drilled in to simply hold in the bad stuff, the "socially inappropriate". It's no wonder the rate of diagnosed depression is on the rise. That ideology is so prevalent in our culture and has roots that are centuries long. It's not just in music but art as well. Norman Rockwell, the New Yorker's leading artist for many years illustrated quaint and idyllic images of the "perfect American family". Every time I see one, although sometimes cute, drives home the understanding that because my life has been no where near that standard somehow I've failed to succeed. (It doesn't last long, thankfully!" Such subtle pressures to conform! It's even worse now, the marketing pressures that bombard us every day. You must have this..You are nothing without that...be thin...eeeew! Wrinkles!... and on and on and on.Every aspect of our lives is under constant attack, our homes, our lifestyles, our children and even our bodies. We embrace it wholeheartedly or is it that we are being conned? "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?" Lk 9:25

Outside the Book by Susan L.

A long time ago I was talking to a friend. She was angry, bitter, and constantly raged against her ex-husband. In the middle of one of these repetitive rants, I asked her why she hated so much. There was an abrupt pause as she looked at me. A startled expression came to her face, "Because it's easier!" Shortly after she came to know the Lord as her Saviour. All her acrimonious feelings faded away under His tender tutelage, praise God, as she began a life of living His word. As a new Christian, the good intentioned people who were my mentors for a while told me to read every scripture with the word "love" in it. I purchased a concordance (best purchase I ever made) and began to diligently study my Bible. Wow. It was an eye opener and made me terribly sad. In reading the verses, the only way I could relate to them was realizing the only thing I knew was what love is NOT! The Lord took this once-upon-a-time beaten down, abused and rejected woman whose only desire was not to be bitter and has honoured my prayer. Just like my friend, in letting go, I am finding the ever abundant love of God that exists beyond the words in red. How awesome is that! "To know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God." Eph 4:19