I went to church on Sunday. Because we are still without a pastor, the sermon was delivered via DVD. Bruxy Cavey was the pastor, a favorite of my youngest son. He delivered an extremely thought provoking sermon on the love of God. Part of it was about how we, as Christians, should love our enemies. It's left me feeling rather guilty and confused as to how I should behave.
Just before Christmas, my ex-husband sent a me friend request on Facebook. After some thought, I deleted the request. This is what's causing the turmoil in my soul.
Yes, I've chosen to forgiven him, at least vocally. The Lord is still working on my heart. I don't hate the man and the desire for revenge and punishment has been surrendered to the Lord. I do pray for him. Those are good things.
I simply don't want him in my life.
Yes, I know that forgiveness doesn't mean an acceptance of the status quo. I know that being Christian doesn't mean being a doormat.
I am afraid of him. That's it in a nutshell. The crank call at two in the morning last spring from his buddy only served to cement that fear. He's the one who wasn't hired to cut down my tree for strictly financial reasons...I heard my ex's voice in the background laughing and egging him on. Childish games from men spurred on by alcohol. It's sad really. They probably don't even remember doing it.
Love your enemy. Hate the sin.
Lord? Maybe this decision is all self-preservation.
Am I not worth protecting?
I pray Your love and grace for him and his buddy will come into their lives. I pray they may come to know You as I have come to know You. I pray they will come to know Your forgiveness just as You have forgiven me many, many things.
Forgive me, Lord, I simply can't be the one to do it at this time. I place my fear in Your hands. Amen.
"Now it happened, when I returned to Jerusalem and was praying in the temple, that I was in a trance and saw Him saying to me, "Make haste and get out of Jerusalem quickly, for they will not receive your testimony concerning Me." Acts 22:17-18
(Thank You, Lord!)
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The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
It sounds to me like you have a healthy attitude toward your ex. Be aware of the difference between guilt (which is an accusing voice of the enemy), and conviction (which can be our conscience or the Holy Spirit telling us we need to change). You've done as much as you can to forgive as an act of the will. Emotions don't always line up with our mind, but that can be ok too when you are in process.
ReplyDeleteThere are people I have not accepted as Facebook friends, for various reasons. One of them is if I believe the person just wants a type of voyeurism in my life - wants to see what I'm doing, without an actual real friendship relationship. Facebook can be a tool for a type of stalking, in a way. You are correct to protect yourself from it.
Thanks, H. I want to add that the scripture the Lord led me to totally floored me. That was an immediate answer which set my mind at ease as well.
DeleteYes, that scripture reveals a truth that we need to hear. We need to be discerning who we tell what to. Something may be the truth, but if a person is not ready to receive it, we either waste our words or do potential damage (even in witnessing about the Lord).
ReplyDeleteOr, we may have sensitive personal information, and we shouldn't divulge it to people who can't be trusted to keep it confidential. There is nothing wrong with protecting our "good name", not from a sense of pride, but from the sense of bringing appropriate honour to Our Lord.