Friday, 3 March 2017

Day Off by Susan L.

  Last weekend's delightful travels to spend time with family, then working three days including cooking yesterday's lunch for a crowd, makes me happy about not having to go anywhere today. I was starting to feel the effects of "busy". Combined with broken sleep I was rather shattered by the time the car pulled into my little sanctuary after work yesterday.
  Worship team rehearsal is tonight. It will be nice to go and make some music. Even if I don't feel like going out, it will be good. There's a new song this week, a new flute part. While it isn't that complicated, I can feel the sharp talons of anxiety clawing away. That's nothing new. It's the norm when it comes to either rehearsals or playing on a Sunday.
  Getting there is the biggest battle when it would be so much easier to simply say, "I am not going." Today, it's terribly tempting to back out but I've cut back playing in the team to only two Sundays a month. That is doable. Besides, once there, the joy of worship replaces everything else. I could use some joy.
  The worksheets are revealing a lot. There's much more going on than simply being anxious. It's a cluster of other emotions creating what I've labelled "anxiety". Nervousness, irritability, being overwhelmed, and not feeling safe are the four that seem to be the most common.
  There's also a lot of anger and frustration coupled with plain ole sadness in having to cope with all of this.
  Fatigue plays a huge part as well. That's another vicious circle: being anxious is exhausting, exhaustion creates anxiety. Sigh.
  I can also add in noise sensitivity. Being tired makes the world seem awfully loud some times. Too much noise gets the adrenaline flowing. Fight/flight kicks in. Another sigh.
  Thank You, Lord, that I am beginning to understand what is going on. Thank You as well for times spent with family. Thank You that laughter, being silly, and celebration are also a huge part of my life.
   It ain't all bad!
  Most of all, I gives thanks from the bottom of my heart that You are part of my life.
  "He has sent console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." Is 61:1,2,3

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