Friday, 21 February 2014

What's Up by Susan L.

  First of all, thanks to those who called to check up on me after I missed two blogs. The first was by choice. The second because I had left the cord for my cell phone at work so therefore no internet at home. The phone doubles as a router. Even though I am in the middle of a challenging time and the concern shown lets me know I am very much loved, sometimes there are "normal" reasons for things happening.
  On Wednesday a co-worker and myself went to the local military base to hear L. Col. Chris Linford, author of "Warrior Rising", share his story of PTSD. His wife was there too, sharing her side of the story. It was open, honest, and touching. Their sharing touched my soul on many levels. This was the twenty seventh such talk.  In a bold move, they are travelling the bases throughout Canada to offer truth and encouragement to other soldiers and their spouses who may be struggling about coming forward. His website is Eventually, a video of this talk will be posted there.
  I've spent the last six days in the art as I had planned. During that time I have made some decisions. There needs to be a break from the Bible study group. My own PTSD is running a bit high right now. The hyper-vigilance, high anxiety part can cause noisy situations to be almost unbearable. I need as much quiet as possible in order to continue working: my highest priority.
  Part of the art was about coming to terms with the fact that this will be a life long situation. I confess there was a tear or two shed over that. Just like everyone else on this big blue ball, there will be good days and not so good days. However, an episode could be triggered by something as simple as someone's cough. The picture-prayers helped me realize and accept this loss of control.
  For me, what's important is how I handle being triggered. That's where the recovery part comes in. That's where grace and patience come in. If I can't extend them to myself, how can I ever offer it to others?
  Making the decision about the Bible study is not a failure. I'm not running away. The image of a little child shyly hiding behind their parent's legs comes to mind. Only I am tucked safely behind the Lord's!
  For now, that's where I need to be.
  "And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises." Heb 6:11-12

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