Another Degree of Freedom

  “But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone; that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Jeremiah 9:24

  Oh.

  So I don’t have to understand everything after all. I don’t have to understand love to know it is. I don’t have to understand in order to know God. As the Psalmist says, “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!”  I only need know He is the Lord of perfect love, unchanging and eternal.

  I have to give thanks because I now know gratitude is an expression of love.

  With every fibre of my being I want to delight my Lord. That is also love, this desire to please, to serve, to be a delight. It grieves me when I fall short, when bitterness ensnares my thoughts and conversations. I ask again, Lord, don’t let me be bitter.

  Love is being mindful of what I say and think. Do no harm. Those are good words even though I know my woefully inadequate human ability to love will inevitably mean I will do harm.

  Doing the best I can is love being manifested. Yes, I mess it up. Yes, I don’t always make the right choices…

  Learning the better way, hungering to live the Jesus way, is also love.

 

  Sitting down with a piece of paper, praying in the way I love to pray in visual form, means I love the Lord enough to hear what He has to say. I give thanks for this gift because I am not so good at vocalizing my thoughts. God knows the silent years make this hard for me to do but we, He, found a way to break through. Love listens. I wouldn’t talk with Him, wouldn’t vocally pray, for a fraction of the time it takes me to wait upon the Lord, pencil poised, excited to begin, to see what He would show me.

  And in the hours I spend drawing, re-drawing, erasing, researching, and immersed in God’s Spirit there is a joy found that doesn’t exist anywhere else.

  I had forgotten. I had forgotten how working on a drawing spills over into my day even when I don't have my sketchbook in front of me. I find myself contemplating on the prayer, on what God is trying to tell me in those precious moments of stillness found in an otherwise busy day.

  You know what’s different? Where I am staying doesn’t have standard television. Instead, unlimited data and WiFi has opened the door to evenings full of worship music. Songs I have never heard before, the old hymns, instrumentals, all of it fills the house. I need to get WiFi with unlimited data at home and scrap the satellite because I have fallen into the mind numbing trap of TV shows turned on to fill the silence and the loneliness. It has become my idol. God forgive me.

  Praises to God need to fill my house and honestly, I am very tired of the few worship CDs in my possession. There are so many more wonderful, beautiful songs out there that I know nothing about! It took being here to realize this. I am thankful my friend and I have very similar tastes in music, too.

  I have lost five pounds since I got here two weeks ago. Food, too, is used to fill the loneliness. God forgive me for that as well.

  Having company has me realizing just how lonely I have been. I have a strong sense it’s time for me to break free of the “safety” of isolating myself, of remaining disconnected from others. It’s not safe at all because I end up wandering away from God.

  My home is being renewed. My time at my friend’s is pouring into my soul a renewed purpose and a new direction. I pray it will continue. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!