Tuesday 14 November 2017

I Am Known. 2 Timothy 2:19

  "Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: 'The Lord knows those who are His,' and 'Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.'" NKJV
  "But God's truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription, 'The Lord knows those who are his,' and 'All who belong to the Lord must turn away from evil.'" JCB

  Belonging longing. There's no better way to describe the fundamental human need for connection.
  The devil knows this so he will do anything in his power to make sure we remain apart from God and each other.
  It was only by reaching out to my pastor and sharing what was going on with the anxiety did it lose its grip. And things were worse than I let on, not wanting to upset anyone.
  Because I shared my burden and held it up to the light, I've had almost a week with minimal tension. Praise God.
  It's like learning a foreign language, this asking for help.
  It's really hard to be vulnerable especially when vulnerability has been turned against me into a hurtful weapon.

  My old neighbours had a nick-name for me. "Saint Sue."
  Gee. I haven't thought about that for a long time. It still hurts. Lord, let me forgive them because they had no idea of the terrible world I was caught up in. They had no way of knowing why I was led to be a superwoman who tackled any and all responsibilities because it was, I believed and was encouraged to believe, my role as loving wife. Although, I have no idea how maintaining farm equipment ended up being part of that role.
  My youngest son and I went away for a week. Our first holiday in eight years. It took hiring three people to tend to what I looked after in a day even though my spouse was at home. For weeks after I paid the price for "abandoning" my responsibilities.
  The silent treatment is one of the cruelest things we do to another person.
  And, as Forest Gump says, "That's all I am going to say about that."

  Because, in the end, the Lord had marked me as His and was waiting for me to reach the end of my own self-sufficiency.
  I did an about-face that rocked my world.

  Lord, it doesn't take much to put me into isolation mode. Looking back I realize it's because of fear seasoned with a dose of shame that stops me from reaching out. Isolating is a learned behaviour that needs unlearning!
  I know, with practice, it will become easier.
  Lord, guide me to those who are trustworthy.  Encourage me to stop putting off reaching out in the first place! :)

 

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