Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Take Five by Susan L.

  On my way to pick up a friend who is part of my small group, I had to pull over for a few minutes to fill out one of my anxiety worksheets. After leaving the centre at four, the tension had begun to build the closer it got to our weekly time for group.
  I was early enough picking up my travel companion that there was an opportunity to pull over, take five and examine what was going on.
  It was mostly being terrified of a smack down because of having shared my struggles the week before. Historically this has happened on a regular basis. Pastors, doctors, nurses, councillors, a spouse, and other people in my life who breached trust and abused their authority by demeaning and negating my valid needs. They left a wake of damage and only reinforced the lesson that it isn't okay to reach out.
  Lord, I need to do a lot of forgiving. Forgive me because I don't think I can right now. You see, even though I underlined the idea of my needs being valid, it's something that's hard for me to believe.
  So why do I think having needs is such a bad, weak, undesirable thing?
  Bear with me...
  I am afraid to have needs. Understandably so. The need for help either physically or emotionally led to being bullied, abused, isolated, disregarded and demeaned.
  I am afraid to ask for help. Again, understandably so. The same reasons apply.
  I am afraid of having to pay a price for needing help...

  This is tough.
  Lord, You know my heart, that deep inside me is the desire to forgive all those who have hurt me. Thank You that I don't hate these people, a baby step towards freedom. Please continue to help me grow and let go. Help me let go of the anger about all of this. Please, please diffuse the powerful memories that re-victimize me and cripple my ability to move forward. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
  There wasn't any fallout in group from last week's confession. Thank You, Lord for surrounding me with people worthy of trusting.
  "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "The just shall live by faith."" Rom 1:16-17

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