Monday, 6 June 2016

Mandala Therapy by Susan L.

  There's something about drawing the repetitious nature of mandalas that's both soothing and relaxing. I am always amazed by the unique look each one has as it unfolds simply by repeating a line or shape in each section of a circle grid. I use a compass to draw random circles then a protractor to divide the circles into even sections.
  These are fairly large, roughly ten inches in diameter. They take several hours to complete which suits me fine. It keep my hands busy in the evening and helps keep my mind off of how I feel both physically and mentally (which isn't so great).
  I'd like to try a really massive one but have to go hunting for the arm attachment for my compass. It's got to be in the art supplies somewhere. The arm extends the diameter and keeps the circles accurate so doing a twenty-four inch mandala would be possible.
  Some day anyways. Just not today.
  Today I simply want to curl up and go back to bed. Why?
  ......a long pause.....
   Sometimes when we seek an answer, the Lord grants it freely. Thank You, Lord.
  This started a month ago and it isn't because of being physically unwell although that generates emotional vulnerability.    
  It really began when a brother Christian made a couple of extremely inappropriate comments directed at me. Huge trigger. His words shocked and dismayed me not simply because of the source, a married man whose wife was present, but because of how quickly the old response mechanisms kicked in. I shut down rather than calling him on it.
  So now I am afraid to be in the same room as him. His thoughtless words have created a place that is no longer safe.
  I mourn the loss.
  It took a long time to begin to open up with the group he is part of. Yet, I wonder if my own obstinacy is partly to blame. Despite misgivings, I kept on going, believing that, like Buckley's cough syrup, the things that taste bad are often good for you. Now I don't know if it was the Holy Spirit telling me not to go.
  Now that's an interesting thought. Why am I holding myself responsible for another's behaviour? Because that's the way it's always been. My fault.
  It's not. It never was.
  There's a huge whack of disappointment. That is my fault. People rarely live up to our expectations. But then, as Christians, we are called to live with higher standards. I know I fail on a regular basis. Lord, help me find forgiveness and grace for this situation. God have mercy on us.
  Lord, grant me discernment so I may come to know when it is You guiding me.
  "Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth." 1 Cor 5:8
 
 

 

2 comments:

  1. Remember, because of Christ's finished work you are always the victor - no longer the victim.

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  2. Thank you for the reminder. I try but living with a legacy of PTSD and depression sometimes makes it hard.

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