Part of growth is recognizing the areas we need to grow in. Most of it is being willing to change.
Saturday's worship team Christmas party made me realize I am socially awkward. I don't do well at parties. They are anxiety filled events and far outside my comfort zone.
I am painfully shy in face to face encounters with people I don't know very well. Unless it's a public speaking opportunity but that comes without the need to connect on a personal level. They also have plenty of time to prepare for; to write and rewrite exactly what is going to be shared.
Parties mean speaking off the cuff. That's when my tongue gets tied. More often than not my foot ends up fully lodged in my lungs, never mind just a mouth!
I admire people who are at ease in these situations, who have the gift of connecting with others. Perhaps there's even a bit of jealousy. No, jealousy is the wrong word. It's more of a longing to be at ease with people. Given my history, it's not surprising that I am not at ease with others. It's left me rather sad about it all.
It would be so easy to decline going to these events but in the long run, it would only amplify my challenges. Avoidance only adds fuel to the fire.
How can I grow beyond these difficulties? Silly question. Look to and lean on the Lord! Moses did and look what that brought about! God's people were freed from slavery despite his discomfort in speaking to Pharaoh.
Help me Lord, be better than I am. Help me trust where trust is warranted. Help me remember names. In Jesus' name, amen.
"Then Moses said to the Lord, "O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." So the Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you will say." Ex 4:10-12
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Boundary Study Part 2
"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy...
Don't be too hard on yourself. You certainly are not alone. I can speak in front of hundred of people, but shrivel up in an intimate room of strangers. I usually find a quiet corner and sip my tea or something. For me I know the triggers. I am actually an introvert who can be an extrovert on occasion - and guess when? When I have the control. Yup - I can shine if I am in charge, but put me in a situation where anything could happen, I cringe. Funny the things we learn about ourselves. I push myself to mingle. I purposely choose to talk to others who seem to have put themselves in self-isolation, for if they feel just 1/2 of what I do, they will probably appreciate some light conversation. I too, like you, have to learn to lean. Lean into God in those situations. Good on ya for pushing yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It's always nice to know I am not alone!
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