Lord, I seek Your insight, Your wisdom and the guidance of Your divine hand as I do some thinking about the way things are; about the anxiety, and the panic attacks. Yup. Had another one beginning to roll in just as the service was ending. The loud man trigger wound an already vulnerable me up again. But then again, You helped me stay together long enough to finish the last song, "You Have Been So Good to Me", and You have in more ways than I ever imagined possible.
I truly believe You have called me to be part of the worship team. I have felt the insistence of the Holy Spirit many times before and in obeying His voice, miracles have happened. I trust in another miracle.
There is much joy in making music. I am sorry that my posts or words haven't revealed that I do find joy within the words of praise. There's even a greater joy in resting under the shadow of Your wings and feeling the peace that surpasses all understanding wrap itself around my anxious heart. Thank You for covering me today during the service, for making me feel safe. Thank You that I played well and sang well and for Your grace when the right note eluded me.
I will get in touch with my psychiatrist because there is always the possibility that my meds are no longer working. I've been on the one for anxiety for several years now and it isn't unusual that the body grows immune to them. If that's the case, guide my doctor so any changes or transitions are in the right direction and that any side effects are minimal.
Help me accomplish the tasks I've been putting off that are only adding to the feelings of overwhelm. Help me break them down into manageable pieces. Help me glorify Your name in all that I do, in all that I am. Help me rest so that my body and mind is restored and more able to cope with the day to day routine that also has me feeling overwhelmed right now.
I give it all to You, my Lord.
"I will freely sacrifice to You; I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good." Ps 54:6
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Boundary Study Part 2
"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy...
I hope I didn't make you feel that you were joy-less, that was not my point really. I can see the longing to please and serve your Lord in your words and actions. It just that fear shouldn't be a big part of it. Nervousness, slight anxiety at new things and wanting to do a good job - these are all normal reactions to new and different situations - but fear, the gut wrenching, just hanging on fear - just doesn't seem to fit. As to the loud man trigger, you did mention that you spoke to someone about it. If speaking to the pastor has no effect - as speaking directly to the person is the best way to deal with problems for the most part - perhaps you could wear some earplugs. Flesh colored, small, inconspicuous ear plugs to just muffle the loud voice a bit. I grew up in a house with yelling, and I am super sensitive to it, it does bring back unpleasant (polite word) memories, so I sort of get it, but if those around you can't or will not change, then you might consider changing a wee something. I really hope you can find a balance soon. I sure admire you for working through so much for the glory of His Name.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking time to comment. It's wonderful to get thought provoking and insightful ideas from my readers.
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