Saturday, 20 September 2014

Running Amok by Susan L.

  I slept in. Must've needed it but it's got me a bit frantic.
  There's a pot luck dinner for the church women later tonight. I waffled back and forth about going. Even now I'm not sure and am having a hard time. Why this is such a big deal? It's not like the ladies are an intimidating crowd. On the contrary, they are kind and caring people and I know most of them if only to say hello to at church.
  I made a pasta salad. That took some major decision making. What do people like? Do I need to go to the grocery store on a busy Saturday? (I should have stopped there last night.) How can I keep something hot that's hot? I don't have crock pot. Would my rice cooker keep something hot without scorching it? What's in the cupboard? Fish chowder was an option but I'd need to take cups and spoons ( a trip to a different store). What if what I make doesn't taste any good? (It does with loads of garlic, tuna, carrots, celery, chives from the garden, heaps of mayonnaise and some Ranch dressing to add a bit of a kick.)  
  Why do decisions send me into a swirling storm of anxiety? Why do large social events do the same? Why do small social events generate the same response?
  This isn't a new thing. When I think about it, it's been there my whole life. Perhaps having been isolated for so long (a form of abuse) could be part of it as well...Lessons that drove home the lie I was socially inept.
  I'm not. Although shyness could be part of it.
   Lord, help me grow beyond this. I am tired of feeling this way, anxious and afraid. Help me shake the ghosts who continue to steal my joy and my confidence.
  "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen." Mat 6:12-13

1 comment:

  1. I suffer from a similar insecurity over what to bring to large-group pot-luck meals, especially since I am not gifted in cooking, plus don't have the time or energy. I solved it in two ways. The first is I always bring the same thing to every pot-luck, so I don't have to decide every time. The second is I bring something that doesn't require cooking... raw veggies & dip. It takes a bit of time to cut up the veggies, but it's a no-brainer. And although I could make a dip, I always buy it (or maybe 2 kinds). I've been surprised at how well this goes over. There is usually very little left over.