Twenty-four Hour Enlightenment by Susan L.

  I met with a friend for coffee yesterday. We had a good chat about what is going on with me right now. She is a peer, a co-worker and we go back quite a ways, since I first went to the Krasman centre long before either of us were on staff. It helped me sort a lot out. She also affirmed, based on all that is going on and through her own personal experience with that challenge is that most likely my meds aren't doing what they should and are a huge contributing factor to this mini-meltdown.
  In a way, that's a good thing. It helps take the pressure off. This isn't all my fault. It isn't feeling sorry for myself as the Pastor said. It isn't a lack of faith. It isn't a lack of prayer. It isn't because I haven't forgiven those who have harmed me. There is an element of truth and reality though, a foundation for the emotional vortex that swept over my heart and soul. In that, I seek further healing and insight so I may be set free.
  My therapist and I had a brief conversation via email. I decided not to see her instead opted to trust the supports I have available to get me through this storm. (Hence meeting a friend yesterday.) There are a couple of other options available as well. There's equine therapy close at hand and I emailed my art therapist asking about ongoing opportunities once the group comes to an end on Thursday.
  But most of all, I can ask for help. With anything and everything I think I should be doing by myself like taking down the old shed, taking a load to the dump, or any other demands. Even when H and I go camping next weekend, if  we need a hand setting up the new dining tent, there's nothing wrong with going next door and saying, "Hey, would you...?"
  Needing help is NOT a weakness! Keep drilling that into my head, Lord, help make it easier for me to fall back into someone's arms. It has bothered me terribly that I couldn't do that seemingly simple exercise at the conference. It was one of those wake up, life altering moments telling me there is something needing to be changed in my life. Trust takes practice. It takes a willingness to be hurt or let down. It takes a willingness to become vulnerable.   Man, it's a scary thing to do!
  But you know something? God has filled me with the ability to ask, to gamble trusting people while I lay within the assurance of His loving embrace. I am eternally grateful for that.
  "I (wisdom) love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently will find me." Prov 8:17