Thanks to all. Your prayers for me are being answered. I suddenly "remembered" yesterday about my just-in-case-of-emergency pills. My personal choice has been to use them only when a situation caused me to need a bit more help. Panic attack avoidance. Just having them in my purse is often enough to help me through an event with confidence.
It dawned on me last night that it wouldn't hurt to take one anyways just to give this ole body a break so I took one a few minutes before the art therapy group. They take effect in roughly ten minutes but aren't strong enough to leave me unable to function. It was wonderful. I played with coloured inks and created a lovely image of a tree that was a gazillion miles away from last week's darkness.
The couple, three hours, of being relaxed reminded me there is a whole other world out there: the one not riddled with anxiety. Thankfully, there is a bit of a hold over this morning. My body is doing the remembering for me.
I know I haven't written about much else this last little while. Like Alice in Wonderland I've been hunting for a key. There has to be way to enter that little door leading somewhere else besides the room I've been trapped in.
There is more than one key you know.
Faith. Without it, I would have ended up in hospital again, things have been that difficult.
Assurance. I know God is with me every step of the way.
Patience. Oodles of it as I wait to consult with my doctor about what slow and cautious route to take.
Trust. The Lord will steer him and I in the right direction.
Grace. For those who don't understand that the anxiety is not a controllable entity. Yes, it can be tamed or muzzled for a while. Only God can lead me through healing and release.
Quadruple grace. It would be easy to embrace the role of victim. It would be easy to point fingers at the people and situations which opened the door to traumatic events. I could be so angry and bitter that I am left dealing with the fallout of PTSD. Really, it's okay. I have my Lord.
(Whoa! Hold on a minute. That stirred up something in my heart the size of a key to the city. Maybe I am angry after all because no, it's not okay. I am not okay. I have not been okay. Every day has been a struggle. My Lord, I need to have a little chat with You about this.)
But most of all, there is love. For my Lord and Maker who leads me into truth. For my mom who is a great encourager. For my patient and understanding friends who have put up with my whining on more than one occasion. For the thoughtful people at my church who sent me an encouraging card. For the wonderful people who take the time to comment and encourage me through the blog.
"And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever--the Spirit of truth." Jn 14:16-17
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Boundary Study Part 2
"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy...
It's hard for me not to feel despair at the struggles you go through Sue, yet your positive spin on everything keeps testifying to God's work in your life.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I need to take a step back and reflect on what life is really about. As much as our struggles drag us down and seem to consume our time and thoughts for ways to overcome, they are not what will endure. Our ultimate highest purpose is to be as united to God as we can be. His Love has invited us to that. And that is what will endure, everything that is forged in God's Love. Your list today of what is being forged in you is the finest of gold!