The Fashion of Grief by Susan L.

As an addition to the grief blogs I've been thinking that perhaps the one year official deadline was started in the Victorian era. Back then, you, as a woman, would buy your black mourning dress and it was all you were allowed to wear in "proper" society. There were strict restrictions on entertaining and socializing. Windows and mirrors would be draped in black which I am sure created an environment of feeling isolated and abandoned in an hour of need. Keep in mind, Victorians didn't bathe like we do today fearful of the impact full body bathing would have on their health. Understandably so because the lack of sewers meant that water was filled with all sorts of diseases. A wash of hands and face were their nod at personal hygene. The only bits of flesh visible. The clothes weren't laundered only their undergarments and lets toss in lice and bedbugs for good measure. I'll bet there were many a woman who couldn't wait to take that dress off! At some point we lost part of our humanness for fashion, for societal acceptance and yes, religious propriety. I'm wondering, too, what the poor women did who couldn't afford mourning clothes. The men could get away with a black arm band but the women? Or was the luxury of mourning only granted to the upper and middle classes? I am sure it was because the poor were concidered mere, unfeeling cattle. Either way, we tend to be hard on those who are trying to come to terms with a deep personal loss and often fail to understand it is a process that neither doctrine or fashion should dictate. Our role is to be as loving and as supportive as possible, no matter how long the grieving process takes. "Execute true justice, show mercy and compassion everyone to his brother. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor." Zech 7:10